resolution 10yrs ago!

Can't believe how time flies! I drew this 10yrs ago... I was only sweet 21. I remembered pondering about life really seriously. Many things in life were so temporal, it didn't give me fulfillment. It was like chasing after the wind. Then I gave my life back to Jesus. I remembered I used to wear boots and short skirts to church but then I found it hard to kneel when God touched my heart! Then the first thing that went was my wardrobe of crazy clothes. I remembered during then, that when God touched my heart with his acceptance and unconditional love, I literally bawled my eyes out in the public, yes in church full of people. His love was so beautiful and so comforting. I didn't care if I looked ok or not. His love was so overwhelming, it wasnt necessary for me to put up any front at all. I felt so liberated. Like the deep gut feeling of being set free.

10 yrs on... entering into 2006 my passion for him increased, he has brought me through valley-lows and mountain-top highs. I am indeed exceedingly bless to have a friend in Jesus. This page is dedicated to my beloved saviour, because of him, my life has never been the same. His truth has set me free indeed. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, the life!" My new resolution in 2006? Love his word, speak his word, love his people, love him, love him, love him. I love you Jesus!

Caught in last minute gift giving?

thot this delightful gift my colleague gave aptly brought out the following:ago!

Caught in last minute gift giving?
Good for you if you receive when you least expect.
Christmas is a time rightly laden with surprises;
The Lord Jesus came as a babe;
surprise surprise, a babe saves our lives!

Yet, in the merry making of sorts;
Even with shopping and commercialization of all thoughts;
It is a wonder Gift giving never ceased even in this pagan world in the everyday life we fought.

If you are caught in a last minute giving;
Fret not, don’t grab a gift in the need to give;
Stop & Spare a thought;
for the receiver at the other end must really be your special VIP, worthy of your thought!

For the word says that a gift is meant to be,
to usher in the presence of our Lord,
his love we know it is meant for all.

so take time to say a prayer ,
and ask Jesus to show you what gift it is to be;
For a gift given out of a heart is better,
Than a gift that needs to be

Why since Jesus is the gift that keeps giving;
We know we haven’t given til we’ve given him;

A true gift lies but in the heart and not out of our hands;
So now we know, that we can all give, if we are ever caught,
In a last minute giving of any sort!!!

God loved the world, he sent Jesus!

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he sent his only son, so that whoever believed in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

What is Christmas without the birth of Jesus? Why do people give gifts during Christmas?
Who on earth is Jesus? Why is the entire world celebrating his birthday? Who is God?
Why did he sent Jesus? Can I experience his true love? Would I experience his true love?

Christmas - if we didn't drink ourselves silly, shop till we drop, or party till the sun goes down, perhaps... the space that we all craved in a time-starved city of non-stop activities and trivial pursuits, will allow us to ponder... question and evaluate the value of life more...

May you experience a truly meaningful Christmas...

Just a little bit of Christmas

this yr, our family had a smallish gathering at the four seasons for a sumptuous Festive buffet. There was so much food, we had no room for cakes!!! urgh. What a loss! so 2 days later... after everything digested, i got a log cake from Bangawan solo for only 27 Bucks . Our family ate to our hearts' content. Moral of the story: buffets are only for the gifted few... Hmmm... like my hubby...;p

Christmas & Love

Every Christmas I seemed to be hurrying LOVE. I love selecting gifts, the wrapping, the giving and all that. For the most part, I LOVE what I am doing, but everything is done in a hurry.

Last year, I had fun decorating up the house for party with friends. Then I flew to Australia with my hubby to spend it with my brother & mum. Everything was done in a hurry but things slowed down at down under. It was nice, except for the heat that didn't quite fit into the Christmas mood. Christmas dinner was home-cooked meal seated on the floor in a little modest rented apartment. There were no Christmas tree, but a bright hand-made star that hung at the glass window. My brother & mum got 2 coloured wig to welcome my hubby & me when we arrived on Christmas Day. We looked like 2 clowns celebrating Christmas with them. It was a funny sight indeed, but boy, did we have fun!

As one cannot hurry love in no form of persuasion or the speeding up of the development of love, many people cannot help but still hurry in the maddening pace of life.

But in that hurriedness of everyday life, there cannot be LOVE. I was more prepared this year. I got the Christmas cards early. In fact i got it on boxing Day 2004. It was the best time to get stuff when everything is on sale. I got Christmas gifts early this yr as well and finished writing "LOVE notes" on every cards. For those I do not get to see nor do I have their home address, there're always electronic cards we can "pre prepare".

In my unhurriedness, I seem to feel Christmas in my heart alot earlier. The familiar Christmas songs that ranges from funk to jazzy R&B ones to soulful chorals, Christmas trees that dazzles at every corners from downtown to neighourhood shopping malls. The well known Orchard Road, a signature of Singapore's yearly effort in making sure that no one forgets Christmas, dresses every lamp posts and roadsignages with as much glitter & glamour & enough lightbulbs to wake a sleeping baby. churches and caregroups round the world are not losing out, events and to-do lists piles up in an effort geared towards spreading the good news in this season of LOVE. Everything seem to strike such nostalgic notes in my heart. I thought about LOVE somemore.

I thought about who I LOVE, and those I don't. I thought about who LOVE me and those who don't. For the most part, I felt saddened. I wasnt sure if I was feeling melancholic, in self-pity or guilt, for the number of whom I don't quite LOVE was alarming. I was also equally concerned with those who I was quite sure did not LOVE me.

There is such a need for our hearts to be LOVED and to LOVE. I was blessed this year especially when God sent me true friends. I would proudly name them, for the LOVE they have given me had brought me so much so much comfort & joy. Angela, Kate, & Michelle. God also sent me a new friend & his family from Oregon who LOVE God so much. I was full of surprise & joy at what God could do! My keyboard coach & mentor, Andrea & her entire team at BelieverMusic blessed me tremendously with music, their hearts for God and people, their selfless dedication for discipleship & their immense encouragement is a testimony of God's miracle in my life! Through them, I experienced tremendous grace & LOVE outflowing from the heart of our heavenly father. And last, but not least, my family; my mum who chipped in to help with my Christmas props , her tireless preparation of dinner when i ran out of stamina from work, My brother who spent time hanging out when he was back for holiday & my husband whose gentleness & unwavering LOVE gave me the strength & encouragement to be more Christ-like.I count my blessings for the many lives who stood by me, believed me & accepted me in spite of my flaws. This, in the whole year's experiences summed up, is what make the coming Christmas worthwhile. The true spirit of Christmas, the essence of LOVE manifested through the birth of Jesus Christ.

For the many lives untouched by LOVE I pray God becomes real to them this Christmas. For the part of my heart, still fleshly & unmoved by LOVE, I pray God change me. I often wondered if it is possible that we live in a world where pure LOVE simply oozes out of every human being. I learnt the hard way that it is not to be so, at least in this time. But it is in God, who had first LOVED the world, that he sent his only son to die for us, that I found the courage and hence the hope to live & to discard that ideal and move on. To yearn for a perfect life is either one of foolishness or of escapism. God is not merciless. To help us survive through the rumble & tumble of life, he threw us yet another life-line. He exhorts us to LOVE him, and in so being we become filled with his LOVE, and then are able to LOVE others again.

This Christmas, I choose LOVE. An unhurried time to learn to LOVE those I have yet to LOVE.
John 3:16 "For God so LOVED the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

May the immeasurable LOVE of Jesus bless you as you prepare your hearts for a meaningful Christmas 2005!

Today is like any one day

The cleaning aunty told me today that she will be feeding the pet tortises and fishes with some biscuits that was thrown away by some staff.

Just 2 wks back she was pouring away coffee & tea, that were unfinished by some visitors and mumbled about the waste. I thought of how I might many times I waste too. I waste time – doing stuff that wasn’t neccessary, I waste money - giving in to impulses, I waste words by speaking unnecessarily etc. but there is one thing I know never goes to waste.

When I am grateful, I tell God. When I am fearful, I tell God. When I am sad, I tell God.
I think my most urgent prayers this year was for surgery. I could have prayed a thousand and one times, while going to bed, while traveling, while on the dentist chair, or while on the operation bed. It was a comfort knowing God never waste my prayer no matter how many times I go to him, and that is how our wonderful father is.

The cleaning aunty was so conscientious about her responsibility. And then it dawned on me that at least I know for sure forfeiting one day of our holiday and paying $10 penalty for that will also not go to waste. My husband & I figured that God is worth more than the beautiful holiday that we are going. It means giving up 1 day & 1 nite for God's presence ; it also means that even when others spend 3 days 2 nite & we only spent 1 day & 1 nite, it is still not a wasted trip. It means God is worth it, even when it cost.

"One day in the house of God is better than a thousand days in the world" came alive for us today. We are going for church prayer meeting tomorrow nite with the rest of our family church. :)

Giraffes

A friend gave us a little card with a gift when their grp came over to our place for caregroup.I haven't watched a cartoon for some time, and in many ways i found this really cute. This pair of giraffes resembles my husband & me in many ways. We are less than ordinary folks, not perfect, often spotty in our characters, we get into fights but we always make up. I didn't know Giraffes walk on twos, but sometimes it is like that with us. We don't care if we look gawky, because we are so in love with one another. But most important of all, no matter what it takes, we always walk together, always in the same direction. Love - It is a many splendid thing.

The RM$2.50 shorts

i just drenched myself in cold water, fully clothed. I wore this because he told me we'll go out together. he left early tis morning to study somewhere quiet. I did my stuff, read the papers, worshipped God on my keyboard, read some magazines, and napped. He lives a strict rostered life, i am slotted somewhere too. Yesterday i was really mad, i never got no dates, no flowers for a long time. I had to adhere to his strict time-table. he showed up at my workplace with a bunch of flowers. I felt sorry for him, he was so tired. But i wasn't looking for flowers. I was looking for a change in lifestyle. I wish I could support his studies, he is very gifted in it, but i have not strength to do it. Its difficult being a good wife.

he told me he'll have to come home 1 hr later. I felt so boxed-up, i couldnt explain. i love him. I told him on the train that he needs to sleep before 12am today so that he wouldnt get sick. He said no. i was upset. He made me worry all the time. he told me he is all grown up, he is leading the family and he will make the decision. i asked him if that means i don't play a part in the family. He didnt answer me. Then he said i shouldnt give him that face and make him feel guilty. he said he made an effort to spend time with me and want us to be happy. He said he will sleep before 12. i wanted to know if leading the family means i don't play a part. we didnt go anywhere in the end. we dropped off his library books together and went home without saying a word through the whole journey. We brushed our teeth silently. I got into the shower. He got into bed. It was 10pm. I only wear this RM$2.50 shorts on special occassion becuz the dye would come off in the wash. i handwashed the shorts and hung it up to dry.

I wish I knew

picture taken in HongKong, in a garden of a chapel

wishing that the falling star will give me a sign
Through torrential rain and rocky paths
I wish I knew if I was indeed on the right path

Where whispers of promises meet assurance of love
I wish I knew if this is indeed my kiros time

A willing heart and an attempted wait
Whether it was kneeling or listening
I wish I knew if this is indeed what I need

distance meets time
You are there at the deepest ocean
You are there in the widest of all skies
You are lord God you made them and is above them all

You alone holds our future
You alone holds our time
You alone knows the unknown

like grass we will all fade away
like flowers our lives so fragile

Wishing that the falling star will give me a sign
Through mountain tops and valleys low
I wish I knew if I was indeed on the right path

Where whispers of promises meet assurance of love
I wish I knew if this is indeed my kiros time

Lord, speak to your servant
Open my eyes,
our lives so fragile and so in need of guidance from you

you hold the spans of oceans
you weigh the nations on a scale
though we as grass may one day fade away
envelope us with your love
do not forget us Lord
we are your servants

God makes all things beautiful in his time

picture taken in Kyoto, Geisha District

Shy glances, love songs and a little tinkling on the skin
suprising smiles,
these little heart quirks

When the dust settles
and
dreamers fade into the mist
those little dreams
they too disappear

when the right one is not this one
where the heart goes
we cannot follow

When the right one is not this one
Let the rain wash it out
My friend don’t look back

Precious, there’s no situation too bleak
There’s no road too steep
Let go, walk on
God will lead you to the right one
The perfection of his timing we will seek

He has made everything beautiful in its time (Ecc 3:11)

Sweet Tide of Life

picture taken at Cogee Beach, Sydney

The Sweet Tide of LifeThe Tide
As suddenly as the tide rushes in, it also ebbs
the minute it had carried all that we hoped ashore, it took everything out to sea again

Shocked, unbelief, questions reeled together in a pressing hope for another miracle
We call the name of Jesus, the name of hope

As tiny as it was
The fluttering of a little 6-wks heartbeat we last saw
A sprit formed, a precious being created
A little darling barely 2 wks craved of our attention
Our senses she already gripped

Nevertheless, God had meant for us to let her go
We held on to what God has in store for us
and also what he has in store for her
We knew him to be loving
We knew him to be in control

That morning I saw in my dream
a girl of about 7 or 8 years of age
Standing in the midst of a rising tide, ocean wide
She was about to drown while I cry out “No!”
And again the dream returned
exactly the same that morning
I realized later it was actually God
telling me ahead what the doctor will see
in only a few hours away
it was awesomeKing of the TideThe room was pink
As if the play on words “pink of health!” fitted the occasion
It was assuring, carers had beautiful hearts
Everything else was quiet in the room
except for palpitations of my heart
Why I’ve never had an op done let alone a D&C!

While thirst and mild hunger sets in
A familiar voice prepared me ahead that morning
“As in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have looked upon you, the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.” Psalm 63

“Still” was an amazing song that kept me steady and gave me strength.
It was a song I sang over and over. God is powerful.When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still, know you are God…
The last thing I heard was “Breathe slowly … go to sleep”
And before I know it, it was done! It was so easy, I couldn’t believe it!
Suddenly I felt a sense of loss and a burst of tears came rushing in
I buried myself in my husband’s chest. I had a blast releasing the dam, it was so good after that.
A wave of peace and new hope swept over us
God was with us all the time
Life is a series of rough sea
Swimming in unfamiliar sea without Jesus would have meant missing his grace entirely

Though each tide sure was new to us
We also knew we walked with a powerful God that he is
Each pregnancy is uniquely filled with the grace of God
How delicate, how precious each life truly is in his eyes
He is in control, he is the King of tide!---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Special thanks to friends who offered their invaluable encouragements, advises and love.

Also to friends who shared our excitement for the news of our first time pregnancy,
We’ll do the excitement all over again! This time it was merely a rehearsal!
Stay tuned! :)

With God’s grace & love
David & Sharon

In the game of life...

photography by Steven Yeo

How do you know if your life is purposeful ?

What Price?

What price, my body?

I recently encountered a few comments about my physique. It reminded me of what young children use to do in schools. For a child who is on the heavier side, he/she would often end up being the butt of his classmates’ jokes. They will be called various names associated with animal kingdom. For the lightness of a being, like me, our fate is no better. We get objects inspired name. As far as name calling goes, the more creative the names gets, the uglier the language, the more pain it inflicts.

So it is no wonder why beauty treatments, or rather aesthetic science as it is called nowadays are gaining in popularity. Someone asked a very good question recently, “why is it that Aesthetic doctors gets paid more than doctors that saved lives?”

Whatever happened to beauty is skinned deep?

I guess people just didn’t believe it anymore. I didn’t know that botox treatment is available to common folks like me. Until recently, Madonna no longer have the exclusivity of a good thing. Wrinkles, freckles, sagged skinned, too big, too small, too tall, too short. From cosmetic folks, to spa boutiques, gym, aesthetic science and even some religion are positioning themselves as the godess of beauty. Gone are your beauty woes, seek them and be beautiful. The idea that I look beautiful, therefore feel beautiful seem to appeal to both male or female alike.

I am a victim

Since “rebonding” (a technique that straightens curlyy hair were out), everyone went wild over it, especially those who were borne with unruly hair. I am one of them. I went for it, and experiened a momentous slick straight hair. The moment of turning my head felt so divine. Believe it or not, I instantly felt beautiful!
I suppose, the only excuse I can find is that we Asians just do not know how to appreciate natural curls, or it could be that as human beings, we’re just so dissatisfied with ourselves. I did my rebonding, but 6mths later, my stylist commented that I should cut it and let my natural curls spill. It was a tough one for me. I felt that since rebonding, I no longer have to care how my hair went each time I step out of the house. To be specific, I don’t even comb my hair anymore!

However, after rounds of persistent nudgings by my stylist, I finally caved in. She layered it, so my natural curls revealed itself. Fact of the matter is, I never knew I could love my hair the way it was created. It dawned on me that my creator is a pretty good artist himself. So why doubt his workmanship? I guessed God made us different not just so we look different, but so we have strengths and weakness that can complement and support the others in the community. He made us different so that we can learn to love those who are different, including ourselves.

If not beauty, then what?

Since beauty seems to be closely related to parts of our anatomy to a certain extent, I would like to think that the biggest culprit is our eyes. Our eyes are prone to wander. They look at objects of beauty and led our heart to believe that for all things to qualify “beautiful”, it has to follow that ‘benchmark’ or ‘standard’. Hence we judge others and ourselves on the same. Sometimes we are harsher on others, sometimes harsher still on ourselves.

So we see people rushing to go under knives, or to invest a huge sum of money for a complete make-over. Surely the motivation must be pretty major. Underneath the need to be beautiful may very well lie a desire to be transformed, to be accepted, to be admired, to be loved. Well, to me the motivation seems common enough, I guess everyone who is a human being needed that.

The question is, “can we actually ‘buy’ acceptance by going under the knife, or pouring thousands into making ourselves look good? I tend to be a little more skeptical in this. Are we trying to gain the acceptance and love of people who are superficial or are we insulting the intelligence of those whom we think will accept us based on how we look? If I am going under the knife or ‘invest’ thousands of dollars, I want to make sure that the goods I get are genuine and so are its functionality. I certainly don’t want something that looks good outside but faulty on the same inside.

The fact of the matter is that beneath that layer of skin or the body that we see everyday lies a very very precious thing call the heart. Come to think of it, our eyes has so convincingly lead our heart by the nose … literally, to believe that acceptance has got everything to do with our body and nothing to do with our heart. A picture of acceptance captured my heart so often is when I take the bus. I see parents holding their babies with such love and adoration even though their babies look so helpless, are pesky or disobedient at times. The picture reminds me of our heavenly father. Some of us may not have perfect figure or perfect physique, some of us may be handicap. But like a parent, God is a fair God, he accepts and loves us JUST THE WAY WE ARE. Isn’t that such a freedom truth? Isn’t that unmerited favour? Doesn’t that include everyone? Wow!

Think about it, such acceptance will even make beauty cheap isn’t it? Because to me, if the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings of the universe had already loved and accepted me regardless of how I look, why would I still be chasing after the love of mere mortals? Wouldn’t that be cheapening the love that God has freely gave?
Someone once said, it doesn’t matter what the world thinks of you, what matters is that you mean the world to someone. And that someone is the Majestic God who created the universe and created you and me.

Piano & me

I was fasting today and God showed me something slightly after, as I was reading the chapter on “the power of acceptance”, God showed me again how I fear failure because of my weakness. It was in line with the theme God was revealing to me last wk, I believe the work is not complete and he is still revealing in me on this particular issue.

Last keyboard lesson I was faced with much pressure as it took me about 2 weeks to master a certain rhythm. I feel quite inadequate compared to the rest of the class as they all seemed to catch everything so quickly. So for the last 2 wks, the usual me who will rush home to practice everyday after a new song, took many days off from practicing, mainly as I felt too discouraged to pick it up. I began to have doubts in my mind, feeling that I was inadequate, feeling that I’ve never been very good at anything I do. And God took the wks of experience to purge many weakness I have. I realized that I have been trapped in a mindset since young that I have to be the top of the class in everything I do. I rose very young to be the first lead child singer for a then SBC drama program, I passed every audition with flying colours, actually as far as I remember, it was effortless as well. I lapped up praises from adults and peers alike. After which, in my early teens I failed in one singing competition and I never sang anymore. It broke my heart. A media mentioned of the falling of a child prodigy made a big dent in my life. I couldn’t eat for a day. At 10years old, my dream of being a singer dashed. At 12, I picked up another hobby and began to win competitions here and there. But I never broke through in my fear of failing.

In our life, we win some, we lose some, and then there’s the in-between. Even the knowledge of this could only help us to comprehend the workings of the world superficially. Now, some 19 years later, God probed again. When Holy Spirit works, he gently but surely purge from deep within our souls, because in the beginning he was the word, the word which is his truth sets us free.

Let me continue my story. I was whispering a song on the holy spirit and he spoke to me. God was not looking for perfect people, he was looking for faithful people. I must say, for someone who is not gifted in discipline, whether it is perfect or faithful, these may seem like an insurmountable mountain.

But the Grace of God provides where we ourselves cannot. Throughout the years, God himself helped me greatly in the area of discipline. I had learnt to be faithful despite my feelings, despite the circumstances. Travelling on the same path faithfully and diligently is a result of faith which God has planted and watered in my heart, causing it to grow over time. It did not come easy, and it did not come instantly. Now I am blessed with a husband, gifted in discipline and thus faithfulness that comes with it. I continue to learn from him on this journey of being faithful.

Because I am a creative kid, I am like what most Singaporean parents would say “stupid” in this academic craze world. It was not possible to think I am smart and then not feel smart, because the whole equation just doesn’t work! God revealed to me the weakness he placed in people is for us to depend on him, and not for us to look down upon. I also understood if I could not accept the grace and acceptance that God had offered to me, I could not accept myself or be gracious to myself for my own weakness and hence unto others as well. So it is so with whatever un-christlike way people treat one another, it is because they themselves are first trapped in the same way, that they subconciously expect others to be “trapped” like them.

Most of us, because of our weakness, we try harder. Basically we miss the freedom perspective that Jesus so freely gives us. Now I know that even if I am given a set of poor memory and the lack of a mathematical mind, the greatest thing is that I have a Big God I can depend on. Since I am married, I might give this perspective as well. Just because our spouse may be gifted in the area that we’re not does not give us the excuse to depend on him alone. God’s intention is that we can first depend on the holy spirit and experience the freedom that his truth brings. My husband is gifted both with excellent memory and a sharp mathematical mind, whereas for me, I can rest assured that creativity is not a bad word. I am just a child soaked in an abundant grace of God. What I cannot do, I can because Jesus lives in me. When I am weak, I am strong! How powerful is that?

Plasma TV

Heard of the quickest evolution ever taken place? Or the most subtle invasion into your wallet and self-esteem? Welcome to the well-known, unknown world of technology and its gadgets. If it thrills, your wallet spills, whatever speeds, it also whizzes. A million tech gadgets out there and even current ones being manufactured can vouch for it. Yep, they’re borne with a snazzy personality, slick skinned and are cool in more ways than one can ever imagined. Look at how people light up whenever they hold a new gadget. Yet for a less than 12 mths infatuation later, or some lesser, they’re into something new, something more snazzy than the first, saved for some whose pocket has been busted since they sacrificed for their love at first sight. Sour grapes who turned mister miser overnite would say, oh well, I have enough of a good thing. Anyway I don’t need it. Indeed, all that glitters are saved for those with a reservoir –sized of “disposable income” – loosely translated “can be given away anytime for anything”.

A look at what we had or need previously 10 or 20 years ago versus what we “need” now. Technology gadgets today are feeding the emptiness of a soul more than an empty household. Who needs a plasma screen unless one is severely myopic. And even if one is so, it would be hilarious to think of enlarging everything around just to be able to see! Honestly, just who are we kidding? With the ooohs and aaahhhs and rave reviews of what people would be reduce to without the most up-to-date gadgets, it is a wonder we don’t see gadgets sitting on the altar. Perhaps the altar is one that is unseen, but nonetheless it exists right inside a men’s soul! Enslaved by tech gadgets is an understatement. If tech gadgets could stretch out and hug us, it would easily be our next-of-kin. Guess how much time we spent with it, opps! Does it go by gender, or pet name? Perhaps it is by some strange satisfaction of being able to accomplish a task or a function that we feel a little more elevated than mere human beings. It puts us on par with … er… machines?

Statistics shows that more children are spending more time in front of the play station, or own handheld games. The numbers in the adult category are similarly gaining in numbers. No human beings should go on a strictly no tech gadgets diet, in my opinion. But there lies the “soul” distinction of who calls the shots. Interestingly tech gadgets as they are so affectionately called do have the ability to cause addiction. It lives to this date, much to the hilarity and excitement of inventors to be able to create a cult following, purely challenging and pushing the boundaries of human capabilities and the limited time-space on this earth. Tech gadgets has the ability to take one out of boundaries, explore the unexplorable and make what is impossible a possibility.

As if the mind-boggling functions and features are not enough to cause us to think that we are more powerful that we think. Owning it certainly brings that association closer to the heart, or some might think, a reality. Let’s go beyond what a handphone might do nowadays compared to the ones in the first generation.
Owning a super duper handphone that looks close to a handheld spaceship certainly does wonders for your self-esteem. I wouldn’t claim a culture of shopaholics these days, rather a generation of frail & starved souls. Ownership is a big thing, it has the tendency to feel like an extended part of your being and therefore the sense of ability thereof. Strange creatures we are, but true.

ulcer

Speaking of ulcer, surely it must been quite a natural association with pain & discomfort.
I had an awful one last month, right underneath my tongue , at the exact spot where my vein is.
The pain is excruciating. Every word I try to utter is with much effort. Even simple movement like swallowing my saliva required courage! What made the experience worse, is that I had a similiar ulcer growth some time back and it took nearly 2 wks to heal. So I was really fearful and worried for this one. I began to pray frantically for God to heal me. For 15 min I commanded the ulcer to go away in Jesus name. I also got my church friends to pray for me. Within 3 days, the ulcer miraculously shrank and the pain also reduced drastically. In 5 days, the ulcer was completely gone.
God showed me that when I pray, a miracle is already happening, although I do not see complete healing immediately. What matters is that I continue to trust him and he will bring the work to completion. [Refer to the Biblical principles found in crossing of Jordan River]

Recently, I had an ulcer again. This time it is a tiny ulcer on the tip of my tongue. This time I didn't pray for healing as the pain was within tolerable limits. However, 3 days passed and it has not subsided. I decide that it is time to pray for God to heal me. As I did, I realised that the position of this ulcer had prevented me to use my tongue to dislodge food that was tucked in between my teeth. As a result, there are bits of food left in between which I had to floss religiously after each meal. God showed me that although a tongue is small, its usage is great. Just like how my tongue was used to do a "quality check" (QC), dislodge unwanted food stuck inbetween, I should also do a QC in the ways I speak to build others up. The tongue is great, it can tear down or it can build up.

Isnt it so easy to ignore the inconvenience that seemes so small in our lives? Sometimes however, the inconveniences scream so loud we simply cannot ignore it. God showed me that he can speak to us through different situations so that we can turn our attention to him. When we do, he began to show me not to belittle the small things in life, and more importantly not to belittle him. An ulcer can has helped me experience God's miraculous healing as an ulcer is also helping in my character building. When we turn our face towards God, things changed!

What does it mean

what does "living for a bigger cause than yourself" mean to you?

Chauffeur

When I was in Jakarta with David & our mums after our wedding, we went to a small town in a car. We had the family chauffeur who faithfully took our luggage to our resort rooms and then he himself reclined at the carpark porch where the chauffeur’s quarter was. I was curious as I have never seen a villa built like that, so took a peak into the quarter. What I saw was a neat, unassuming space, with a simple bed, basin for washing etc. I wondered why can’t the chauffeur come into the resort villa to take a room beside us? David told me that even if we were to invite him, he will still refuse as he knew where he belongs.

The next morning, he was up and ready much earlier than us. He cleaned the car and was waiting for us by the porch. That in essence summed up servanthood. Up till today, the experience is still etched deeply in my heart. In today’s model of servant leadership anywhere, leaders are often given privileges and in many instances served by hands & lips of men. Yet how rare it is when a leader refuses a position of privileges and power just to serve men instead without a tinge of hypocrisy. You see, the world has a very good way to turning upside down what God has instituted; so the model of servanthood is too often turned topsy by the world. Servanthood takes a deliberate step to turn hierarchy right side up. Servantleaders are the ones right at the bottom rung serving those above.

When I remembered the chauffer and his unassuming ways, I remembered that he not only recognized his responsibilities, he knew how to give all that is better for whom he serve. When I remembered how the chauffer would have chosen to refuse a place of privilege, I remembered he knew he was called for a purpose of servanthood and not the other way round – very much like Moses who followed God’s purpose over princely privileges. When I remembered the chauffer waking up early and getting his car ready for us, I remembered that waiting upon others with whatever possessions we have is indeed the beauty of an abundant heart of giving & act of humility.

Babies & Pets

my best friend's cute baby born on 15 Dec 2004-Min-Joon, M.J for short. What a cool name! ;)

Puppy: Who is cuter???

Wishes & Promises

I wish my name was grace
So I could pardon all transgressions of man
Big and small
Including for those whom I suffered

I wish my name was mercy
So those tears I weep can heal, and restore
Including for those whom I suffered

I wish my name was wisdom
So I can end all false accusations
Raging tempest
Including for those whom I suffered

I wish my name was love
So I can resolve all differences
Melt their hearts, turn the world around
Including for those whom I suffered

I wish I am
But I am not
My name is not God
And I cannot

That is why I can only hope in the one who can,
Jesus - Whose name is love, wisdom, mercy, grace and so much more

What I cannot do, he already did
He suffered the transgression of men, both big and small
He wept for those who pain and healed and restored
He took all false accusations, raging temper
Hearts that were broken, lives that are torn

There are no wishes I can keep
Only promises I can hold
Jesus, he promised to redeem from hands too strong
A song to sing out loud,
Because of the goodness of the Lord, we will be radiant
Over the grain, the wine, the oil, over material and physical wealth,
Our lives will be like watered garden
He will give joy instead of mourning
Exchanging comfort and gladness for sorrow
His servant leaders their fill and people satisfied with his provision.
[Jer 31:10]

Saved by Grace

In the being of a man,
For the worth found in deeds
And grandiosity of thoughts with near perfect ideals in mind

We fall, because we strive & push around

In the being of a man
For the worth of righteous deeds
And the exhilaration found in achieving them

We fall, because we are deceived into believing we are supreme

In the being of a man
For what we can give, in extending our help to those who are weak
And the results seen, became a no mean feat inscribed in our names

We fall because we became so self-absorbed, our nose turned heavenwards

In the being of a man
For what we know and often perceived to be true and right and good
We think we are better and the world is only our puppet

We fall because we think we are a cut above the rest

All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away. (Isaiah 64:6 )

Mercy O Lord upon our souls,
Take away our filthy rags
Replace it with shame
Show us you came because of grace
So that we appropriate your deeds
Not only because we know, but because we are changed

Give us today
Neither power, nor glory, or status to beat
But contriteness and brokenness
In this then we are made complete

Teach us always to honour the rest
And to walk in ways to bring out their best
Fill us with your gentle grace
So that we can give in a world of disgrace

May we never take offenses, our hurts and pain in vain
But recognize it as a way to repay with the grace you gave

Let us remember that you came to save
But for the filthy rags that we have obtain
In all our self-righteousness we had fail to sustain
Lord, forgive us, pour out your grace

Good Friday Just Passed

new born baby - Jonathon

I visited my friend, whose little daughter of 6 years old has just passed away the day before. When I heard the news, I was shock as it was too sudden for me! Ser Li was born with an acute growth disorder. At 6yrs old, she is still lying in bed. I felt sad and altogether down. I visited her daughter’s wake on Good Friday. She told me, she died of pneumonia and complications. Little Ser Li had been in the hospital moving from ICU to high dependency ward and back to ICU within the 2 weeks she was there.While tears streamed down my face uncontrollably, my friend was surprisingly calm. I had to keep apologising for my tears which I feared might not be good for her.

Then she told me “actually the Lord told me 1 year ago that he is going to take little Ser Li back. I couldn’t believe what I heard, so I denied it. During the same period, my mentor came to me and said that she heard the Lord in her spirit, that God will take Ser Li back. She said she’s not sure too but ask me to ask the Lord. At that time, I cried because I know it’s a confirmation from the Lord. I cried out to God so may times not to take my girl. In that one year, every time Ser Li fell sick, I would fear for the time she has to go. So I battled within myself and prayed to the Lord, and crying out to him not to take her. I started to bargain with God. I told him, I will serve him anywhere and do anything if only he let Ser Li stay with me. But God reminded me that nothing belong to us anyway, and Ser Li is also his child whom he love. He also reminded me not to lean on my own understanding and in all ways acknowledge him and he will make my paths straight. His ways are higher than our ways.”

She continued,“Life continued, until my mentor came to me again and said to me, “Not to worry, God will bless you with another child. At that moment I do not know how to feel as I was too engross in Ser Li.As my husband and I only have a 10% chance of having a normal baby genetically, the thought of having another baby is far-fetched. We are worried that our second baby will not be normal again and hence a bigger blow to us.”

“However, after awhile, I was found to be pregnant! In the midst of struggling and crying out to the Lord for Ser Li’s life, I finally told God, that if he needs to take Ser Li away, he needs to give me alot alot of grace and mercy. I cry out to God to take her only after my baby is born. Because I am pregnant now, it is difficult for me to cope with this emotionally and physically. In the hospital, the Lord did a mighty work. A girl who was in the hospital bed next to Ser Li was in the hospital because of fits and was in a coma. My pastor visited Ser Li and asked the mother of the girl if she like to be prayed for. She agreed. When he prayed “In Jesus Name, wake up”. The little girl’s eyes peered open. One day later, she woke up, and both mother and child received Jesus into their lives! "

Last year in Dec, I gave birth to a healthy and beautiful baby boy. We named him Jonathon. Shortly after he was born, baby Ser Li fell ill and then she finally went back to the Lord, just as God had heard my cries. Many friends proclaimed that Ser Li did not die in vain, she saved 2 souls before going to heaven!" It was precisely with Jesus in our lives that physical death only means that Ser Li has entered the eternal life that Jesus gave. With that, we are greatly comforted. Jesus fulfilled what he said when he said, “I came so that you may have life abundantly” Life in Jesus means abundantly meaningful, here on earth and also eternal life with him in heaven.

I was full of awe at the Lord’s graciousness towards my friend. Without the grace and love of God, there is no way she can be so calm and peaceful in the face of hardships. Without the Lord’s preparation, she would never had remained so strong and full of hope in life. Truly the Lord honoured her heart and performed so many miracles. Jesus never short changed anyone. He died on Good Friday but risen on Easter Day, and because he has risen, we also rose with him. Praise the Lord for his love & goodness!

Picture taken in Kyoto
"Good and evil both increase at compound interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance". C.S. Lewis

Birthday Greeting Log - Thank You!!!

2 am - happy birthday to you... happy birthday to you
[David, my honey long distance call from U.S]

5.15am - Happy Birthday! May this day b special 4 u. Ove and kisses
[Ling Yong, good friend in Jakarta, sms]

8am - Sharon, flowers n a bear hug... wishing u a swell day as u celebrate uniquely Sharon.
[choon yuen, friend in church, sms bear & flower pic msg]

10.33am - Happy birthday to u, happy birthday to u, happy birthday to Sharon, have a blessed birthday! May God's blessing falls upon u abundantly!
[Jing Yi, good friend in S'pore, sms]

3.24pm - happy birthday to a kindred spirit! Hope its a wonderful day for you. "Once we are strangers, now we are strange friends!"
[rebecca, good friend & previous sheep in S'pore, ecard]

3.29pm - Always welcome the new day with a new spirit, a smile on your face, love in your heart & good thoughts in your mind. Your dream will come true. Have a happy & blessed birthday. from papa, mama, pin2, cihu, cika
[my beloved in-laws in jakarta, sms]

5pm - Recieved surprised flowers
[friends from PR agency in S'pore]

8pm - let Jesus guide you in all ur plans in all ur dreams, in all u wish tohappen in ur life. God bless you jie jie, hepi b'day.
[Sien sien, my sweet cousin in Jakarta, pic sms]

11pm - Happy Birthday, May God bless you abundantly.
[Dasmon, my previous CL in S'pore, sms]

If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. -Anatole France [Jacques Anatole Thibault] (1844-1924) (writer, critic, nobel prize winner for literature in 1921)

Guess what plant this is?

Hint: for use in yogurt, salad bowls or fruity delights

Canopy of heavens

picture taken at Coogee Beach, Sydney

solitude 

friends & strangers

familiar faces
familiar world
strangers becoming friends
friends now strangers

even to the most literate
it has become too profound

fills, feels, fellas! (dedicated to my husband)

Dancing in the moonlight of notes and melody
I didn't know that God too is in the fills!

Come and join me, fly together my love
be with me

sing, let's sing him a song
Dance shall we? dance to his tempo
today the Lord of Lords we sing
see even the glass-stained window offered its tint

a song to sing
from the heart it begins
the fills so lovely, so pure and heavenly it seems

today I found out, God too is in the fills!

(story beind the fills: I was struggling with my playing last week as i knew that my trouble lies in the fills. I slept late and woke up early to play, seeking the Lord to help me. Today I was in a keyboard lesson and I experienced the beautiful sound of fills! It is like the spontaniety of waves colliding with the cool refreshing water in a hot summer's day. One word - Awesome!)

Two as one

Two as one..love as countless as the sand

Gently

as gentle as the cool waters