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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Count it all joy!

Feeling stuck in a place with no where to run or hide is probably the last place I will count it all joy.
When our heart is prone to wonder and our eyes look where it should not, the spiritual siren goes off suddenly shrieking “DANGER! DANGER!” I ducked quickly.

Come high waters and stormy clouds… one moment, I seem to be drowning and another, I seem to have Hope. Swimming against all odds, I am swarmed in unfamiliar surroundings. This time in my life, I have no control over where I want my career to go and boy, reality hits me like a ton of bricks. Suddenly I also felt I am in no way able to control the situation I am in, I am, short of having a better word in a no choice situation!

Somewhere nearby I recalled having a survival float. My Lord, God and Jesus Christ. I turned to him instinctively, wondering if there is something I should change. I started to give thanks. Admidst tears and struggles, I count my blessings one by one. There was no joy, but I did it anyway to counter a complaining spirit. Then God seems to have heard me and honoured my effort.

While I cling onto Deut 28:13, David clarified what the verse meant: that no matter how high I climb or where I am eventually, I am the head as long as I am in God’s purpose and plan. David told me that if God would choose to create me again, he would make it exactly the same. Without warning, I burst into a dam. God choose to use such a time to reveal how much I didn’t like myself and I didn’t even knew it was so deep. Shocked at the revelation, I pressed into his presence. Surely God knows that I need a miracle, Surely God is trying to hint to me that he was going to heal me. That nite the pain in my heart shot through, my pillow was thoroughly soaked in tears, but I felt the depth of God’s love was for me. We quickly said a prayer for the preborn baby within me. We told baby not to be distressed, it was merely the process by which God is healing mummy. It was nearly 1am. It is time to count it all joy.