The Selfish Giant

Loving musicals since little, I've always wanted another excuse to go watch and experience the wonderful sights and sounds of theatrical performances. Having a child is one. And I am still waiting.

We will be moving into our new place soon, we were watching our budget from renovations down to design. Good budgeting however does not mean that things should look oh-so-shabby or that a riot of colours can reign as they like. We spent quite abit of effort to make sure of that.That day our new neighbour's little boy came over to have a look at our half-done up house. He looked every way like an inquisitive and restless 5 year old, and may I add, has an air of nothing-gets-in-my-way else I will knock-it-down look. I was trying to look fearless, half trying to befriend my new friend and half wishing he would go home quickly! Half obliging a smile, the little boy pounced on my new sofa just when I turned the corner. My heart skipped a beat. Our sofa cushion, made of fabric sat on a strong teak wood looked steady as ever. I glanced over and saw a piece of plastic sheet still intact, it not only protected the pale coloured fabric inside but also my frail heart. I grasp that moment to console myself, but wondered how long that plastic would be there. It really wasn't any solution.

Back in my old house, everything looked worn and familiar. I only started to notice a half-painted pipe the other day in the washroom and it was a sheepish job at that. I wondered why I haven't seen it before having lived there for at least 6 years now. I thought to myself, my old neighbouhood had consist of grown-ups, well mannered professionals, the youngest were teenagers, and you can tell they were a product of good family upbringing. We exchange polite "hi's" and "how's your day" without delving too much into personal space. It looked like a peaceful and harmonious neighbourhood. What a shame, I thought to myself, I would have allowed any kids to come in and pounce around. Pity no kids were around. Actually, that really wasn't a problem.

"He saw a most wonderful sight. Through a little hole in the wall the children had crept in, and they were sitting in the branches of the trees. In every tree that he could see there was a little child. And the trees were so glad to have the children back again that they had covered themselves with blossoms, and were waving their arms gently above the children's heads. The birds were flying about and twittering with delight, and the flowers were looking up through the green grass and laughing. It was a lovely scene, only in one corner it was still winter."

And so the selfish Giant realise his wintery heart and was no longer selfish . As a result his garden now experiences Spring! And even if the plastic sheet on the sofa sheet were to come off in time and little hand prints are found on them, may it be unto my new family and I that we will always beckon people with welcoming hearts, for all folks big or small, clean or unclean, polite or impolite, and always have an open door to make friends for Christ.

~ The End ~


The Selfish Giant presented by Singapore Repertory Theatre - The Little Company, will be screened from 5-30 Jul 2006 @ DBS Arts Centre - Home of SRT

The Selfish Giant is a beautifully adaptation of the much-loved story by Oscar Wilde.
Famous for his adult plays (The Importance of being Ernest, An Ideal Husband) Oscar Wilde was also a poet, dreamer and above all, a storyteller. Initially written by Wilde for his own children, this enchanting story with songs promises both adult and children a delightful time at the theatre.
In this play, love conquers all and melts the cold heart of an unjust giant, who finally repents after discovering the joy of loving others.
A play for 3 - 8 years old. (and adults!)
Tickets are available at all SISTIC outlets www.sistic.com or 63485555.
Synopsis: http://www.4literature.net/Oscar_Wilde/Selfish_Giant/)

Your response

We just had our “Friendship” camp. I was thinking through randomly why making friends is now a challenge. Two things came up strongest. 1) Lack of giving of oneself 2) lack of grace in allowing offences to pass

Rarely would I use the word ‘mistreated’. Instead, I am more familiar however with experiences like hurt, unfair, injustice etc.

I was a witness to an argument that happened on a bus between a middle-aged man and a little boy’s parents. The middle-aged men retaliated to a playful kick by a toddler with an angry stomp on the floor board, missing the boy and the mother’s leg by inches. Words were exchanged, tempers flared and an all out egos war took place. The middle-aged men argued that the parents failing to correct the son was at fault and insulted their lack of parental guidance. The parents kept going on how wrong a grown-up was to retaliate to a mere toddler's kick.

While I watch, I slowly felt a sense of injustice arising. I felt angry to some extend seeing hints of bullying occurring from one side so much I wanted to step forth to protect. You see, God puts in our hearts a sense of right & wrong and as Christians, while it was made for the good of the Kingdom, we sometimes abuse it for our own. Things gets out of control when we assume the God role and fail to play our roles right.

I remembered one of my leaders who because of one of her member’s encounter in an unpleasant situation began screaming at me in public and commanded to see me at another place. I was first shocked at the haughtiness of an attitude and then contempt. All respect for her drained out of me and all I had for her was that she was a fluke. Shortly, in the two weeks that followed, there was peace-making attempts and apologies were exchanged. But I still never really recovered my respect for her.

In another encounter, a leader rained harsh words on me and removed me from a teaching session suddenly. During a peace-making session, threats came. Reeling from the impact of the words made this cut so deep and so seared, I conclude that this is another hypocrite who is all show and no depth.

Another leader picked up an offence and refused for us to join her small group. Ouch! Talk about rejections.

Mistreated? Well it could be a stretch to say that. But hurt, rejected? Yes definitely.
For those married, the pain can be even greater seeing your spouse hurt or rejected yet knowing that you can’t take things into your own hands. He chose not to share the details of his encounter but to go into the bedroom and lay it all out before God. I admire his self-control. Many times I am tempted to try to dig out everything and uncover the ‘culprits’. Despite my natural instinct to stick out for him I was quietly inspired by his strong desire to obey God no matter what it takes. I decided to tag along.

David always has a ready word of wisdom on his lips. “Be above reproach. Two wrongs do not make one right. Do not take things into own hands.”

Recently while trying to sell off my existing house, an agent who promised all good things upfront failed to deliver. We lost a good 3months of wait with all other opportunity cost plus, my mom got all worked up. On the night of peace talk, David was the mediator. There were no fancy legworks, legal jargons nor preachy God stuff. In the face of false accusations, David spoke steadily, calmly with huge dose of grace and friendliness. What I saw awed me. If there was an altar call to repent of seeking revenge, that would be me. The God sized spirit in him won my family over in doing things God way.

That day I truly began my search for the right respond when we are wronged, hurt, rejected or mistreated. This book was the start of God’s answered prayer.
I was reminded of King David who said these very profound words, “I will not touch God’s anointed.”

It was not so much who hurt us, more than whom we trust. In my very contempt of the authorities God placed over me, I abused what God puts in my heart and felt as if I own the right to administrate justice. During the special ministry night of Friendship camp, I knew I might have some left over areas for God to work in but didn’t know exactly which areas. So I said a simple prayer and left it as that. In God’s time, I want to be able to go to the leaders to tell them what I saw God put in them. I want also to seek for their forgiveness.

People of God, be encouraged!
Proverbs 24:29
“Do not say, ‘I will do to him just as he has done to me; I (the Lord) will render to the man according to his work”

Proverbs 20:22
“Do not say, ‘I will recompense evil’; wait for the Lord, and he will save you”

Proverbs 25:21-22
If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; for so you will heap coals of fire on his head and the Lord will reward you
[the idea is that an act of kindness to your enemy may cause him or her to feel ashamed. This is just one way to overcome evil with good (Rom. 12:20)]

You can find all of John Bevere's book @http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=br_ss_hs/103-9243582-8483816?platform=gurupa&url=index%3Dblended&keywords=John+Bevere

The fallen bread

Few weeks ago, during the time of the Lord's supper during a church service, I looked over and saw David holding a cup with a thoroughly soaked piece of bread in the cup. Very quickly, I looked at him and assume his itchy fingers had a part to play in this embarassing predicament he got himself into. I immediately shot a question to him to him quietly but not so gently "Why did you do that?". To which he replied. "I figured no one will pick this cup on the communion tray as the bread had fallen into the cup, and soaked. So I pick this instead." Looking at the cup with the fallen bread in it, I realised that the lesson of the fallen bread is for me and not David. So quick to pass judgement, I reacted only to what my sinful eyes see. David's act of kindness, no matter how small and unseen by others, bears the true mark of sacrificial servanthood. It was a significant encounter for me and God. I repented.

For Your Glory

Jesus, for your glory

Sunrise to sunset
Till your kingdom comes again
Wanna tell everyone how awesome your love

Wanna lose sight of all I can do
Blind to what I have

Status and richess, talents and skills
Lord you are more

Chorus:
My hands, my talents and skills
They belong only to you,
So take me, use me, consume me
For your highest glory and honour

Bridge:
All for your glory
My pride I lay it down again

Take me, use me, consume me
Only for your glory
O Jesus for your glory


More then the air I breathe
More then life itself
More then what I can
More then what I have

Shout to the world, how awesome your love
How you came and how you save
Lord, make me lose sight of me
Jesus for your glory

Chorus:
My hands, my skills, my talents
They belong only to you,
So take me, use me, consume me
For your highest glory and honour

Everything… Everything belongs to you

Chandelier Mania

The season of renovation would be starting soon and it will go on for a month. Two weeks ago , the excitment of dressing up a house, finally my own, has dissolved into this big thing call stress. Maybe I have my many loves to blame. I love the antique, the ornate, the ancient, the rustic, the comfy bits, the odd bits, the cute bits and the list goes on. Essentially a home as we define is is a place we wanted will feel ourselves.

The good thing is David & I share very similiar style in almost everything. That makes life alot simpler. David & I settled on the eclectic look - a marriage of east and west. That day I chanced upon a black, ornate chandelier at lighting store. (ref to pic. it looks exactly like it!) It took my breath away. (how can it not??) It was not osentatious, but was certainly very elegant and classic. I loved it so much i thought about it weeks after we left the shop. I was hoping to find a cheaper equivalent but was unable. Then I ask David if we could just splurge it on this one. It cost about $400 so it is still within the "splurge budget" to just get it. But I also wanted another one for the dining place and two would have taken up the entire budget for all household items that we needed to buy. So it was a no deal. We both agreed that the budget for all the items to be bought should not exceed $1'000. This list includes fridge, washing machine, TV, dining table & chair set, sofa, cabinet, fancy and not so fancy lightings etc .

I suffered from Chandelier mania for 2 wks, then recovered this wk end just past. The world is not our own. I chose to be contented with another kind of ceiling light, those "big bowl" ones that looks like its stuck to the ceiling. I figured that will do, it'll probably cost us at most 20 bucks for a fairly nice one. I saw a cheap one at only 4 bucks! At the dining area, I will be contented with a $ 59 IKEA rod-iron hanging lamp. So there you go, I chose to hold loosely what I have on earth so that I can invest my all in what is eternal. In some sense I still love the chandelier, but perhaps this is just not the right time for it. it is not worth paying an arm and a leg for it, especially when I know that the money could be put to better use.

I had already been blessed by a friend who is giving us a second hand washing machine. Plus we've also got some other quite interesting finds here and there at an unbelievably low price.
I learnt that to be contented with little is great richess. So we continue to count our blessings...

Nothing will remain the same

Tomorrow is Good Friday. I suddenly felt guilty about not remembering it this morning. In my morning walk with Jesus today, I had a need. I asked him to heal me; to remove the cyst in my womb and to put a baby there instead. 4 days ago, God told me to pray persistently and I felt at a lost for words. So I asked God to teach me how he meant by “persistent”. He took me to the passage of the persistent widow, it was simply knocking and knocking till the door opens. It was asking at odd hours, it was asking because I needed it so badly. It was not caring about what time or how long. I just have to keep asking. Then I forgot completely about Good Friday because I was so focused on asking.

But as history has it, Good Friday took place. I never forgot how Jesus died. It was so awful, but I know that out of the depths of his heart, he would have still chosen go through it even if we wouldn’t let. Yesterday he reminded me that it was not just his love. He, a divine being came down to earth to take on the very nature of man, tempted like we do, yet without sin. I didn’t think for a moment it was easy for a prime minister of a state to simply let go of all that he possess, his status, his family, his job and lower himself to that of a begger living under the bridge. Jesus did that. And this act was simply the greatest act of humility ever known in the world.

Tonite, before I go to sleep. I’m going to start thanking him and praising his name. The cyst would be a have been and the baby would be a will be. What I am sure of is this. When Jesus died on the cross, he took upon himself sickness and infirmities, and the entire sin of the world; the past, present and future all rolled up in strips of ribbon-like flesh torn out, and the raw and bloodied back. It was in his tears that he cried & perspiration mixed with vinegar that drips from the man-made thorn-struck crown stinging his freshly opened wounds. He took it to the grave and buried it. Then as dramatically as he entered the grave, he walked out on the 3rd day, alive and unscathed, totally radiant! In this sort of love and glory, I know that I am healed!

Tonight, I will prepare my heart and wait upon my saviour, he has much to say to me, he loved me so much. How then, can I not remember this powerful day.

Welcome Good Friday, nothing will remain the same!

God's presence

The door was opened, he welcomed me home with opened arms, always. He always ran to the door if he heard my footsteps. But I was waiting to meet someone else. Laying aside hunger, I let loose my bundle of hair, allowing some trivial thoughts run wild. "Should I wash my hair today or tomorrow morning?" Perhaps it was a lazy thought, so the question went unanswered. The warm stream of water splashed down my head, it felt cathartic.

I was thinking about someone else while watching the mist steamed up the bathroom. It had been a long week, my soul was weary and patience wore thin on many occassions. David and I always made a point to dine together as much as possible, but today, I had asked him to go ahead before me, I felt bad, but I was so tired. This short retreat should be enough to tide me for dinner later. I reckon. Yearning for that someone was an understatement of all sorts. All I wanted to was to crawl in and remain there, but this one steam bath wasn't going to provide it, and neither is dining with my husband. It was one of those days when the door swings open and I could only managed a weak mumble. Watching David's excited face when he sees me always puts a smile in my heart. I think its these little treats that God puts for us that cushions our fall.

I spoke to God at last. The friend I had been waiting to talk with. I prayed in the spirit. I know that the holy spirit helps me in groans which I cannot understand. I know he didn't mind me crying or my sighs at all. My ever gentle and patient friend knows that this hide-out place was temporary. Besides rejoining David at the dinner table, life must, inevitably go on. And although all I could hear are the sounds of gushing water at that moment, there were no need for reasons and no need for any spoken words. No burning bush, no raging thunder, it was a special kind of rest. The kind that is at his feet.

Celebrate - Our New Garden

God has given us this really big garden,
New look at every festival

It reminded me of baby Moses
God protected him, like God protected us; he knows our need

Then God splurge his love over and beyond our dreams
Like God paid Moses’s mum to care for his own son
God created landscapes of greens so we could daily admire and be refreshed
He’s given us a gardener to tend and water
this is his love so we can remember

Now I remembered how he reminded me of his presence when I looked at flowers and plants and trees in my strolls,
I marveled at God’s creativity
Have you ever noticed how he blends colour and shapes and forms so ingeniously!

He tells me he’s my friend
Someone who simply walks beside me in my stroll
no thunder, no storms, just a stroll in the park like two long time friends
Jesus speaks in whispers
Who would’ve known, that Jesus actually strolls!

Celebrate - Can you spot David & I in our new flat?

celebration!

David was saying to me the other day “honey, we have a house now.”
I must say during the entire course of applying for a HDB flat, praying, selecting, appealing, waiting through the entire last 6mths or so, I almost lost sight of the most important thing. It was like life’s dishing out more than one expect that I had to fulfill and well, just “get it over and done with”.

I’m now trying to look for a new place for mum and selling her current place. This buying and selling of house doesn’t look as though it is ending for me yet. You see, I’m a careful person of all sorts, too careful at times maybe, when it comes to making decisions like these, I take an awful long time to wait upon God. I’ll be asking God probably a million times, “so how now”, “Yes, no, dunno?”, “speak to me Lord, what’s your way?” Since I know that God is not late, is never in a hurry and never lets us down, I figured I can’t be sitting there waiting for an answer to fall from heaven. What I did, while waiting in prayer, I went on to embark on different projects in life. I enjoyed it immensely, but one thing I forgot, in my “enjoyment of activities of all sorts”, I forgot to pause. What David said was like a breath of fresh air. I halt mid sentence, looked at him and allowed myself to soak in all the excitement and awe. Inside, I turned upwards to look at God and said ....“Wow!”. I realized though I had mumbled “thank God” at every turn of decision whether it is ours or HDB’s, maybe, just maybe those words were too simple a matter of convenience. Did I really mean it deep inside?

God did amazing things. Being first time home owners, we were basically in the dark about almost everything. God inspired us to move last year. He led us to exactly the right timing for a walk-in selection program in our neighbourhood – exactly where we wanted it and at a price that can only be described as “unbelievable”. We found ourselves in a flat needing fairly major renovations, and a knocked-down wall between 2 bedrooms. Sitting through dilemma wasn’t the best way to handle this. We prayed and asked God. Our hearts were like see-saw. Finally, we made a decision and signed the dotted line. To our surprise, we found that we were not eligible for HDB loans. Going on bank loans meant higher interest rates and we hated debts. Believing God for his utmost providence, we prayed and appealed to HDB. Once, twice, three times. Over Christmas 2005 and New Year 2006, a phone call came and this time it was good news. God gave us a four bedroom flat at $134,000 which will be fully paid for within two years on HDB loans! Is God in all these or what?

After the game, celebrate the win. Glory is be to God's forever.

Welcome Home!

My younger brother is coming home today. I am so happy. It is like a new beginning.
I cleaned his room 2 weeks ago, and washed his bedsheets, and wipe his bedroom walls yesterday. I wanted to throw away the mirror that cut him few years ago because I don't want the same thing to happen to him. I cared for him and love my brother alot, just that as we grow older, it seems difficult somewhat to express my love. It seemed that aside from spending time together, the other thing I tend to over-do is to buy lots of stuff for him, not that I am making up for the "Absent-sister" sydrome, which was never an issue ever since we were under the same roof. I often thought of what he needed and what he might lack, but then again, I am frequently wrong.

I tried getting a shirt 2 years ago, which he claimed that he liked but then wore it only once. I got him many winter clothes but they were either the wrong colour or wrong style. I got him a wallet last year when I saw that his was tattered and torn only to realise that that was the "in" look! So the wallet I got was again useless. He then mentioned that I should not get him what he already has. This year I got him a pair of jeans, and although he already has one, I thought maybe 1 is not enough especially for guys. Our in-laws also got him a Mp3 player by ScanDisk a popular storage maker in the U.S and a mug bearing his name.

I think of homecoming in the train this morning. I thought of something along the line of what God said, "eagerly yearn and groan for our home which is in heaven". I tried to imagine how I should be feeling. God must be talking about the intense feeling of anticipation, a churn in the stomach almost, but more than that, it is the deep longing to go back where I belong. How many people approach life on the exit this way, since I think it is only through our expiry date on earth that we can go home in heaven? Before we got it all wrong, God is not asking us to seek to end it all, but illuminating The way we are purposed to live. It is when we know where we are going, then we know how we can get there. While we are here, God bestowed many gifts. His gift of holy spirit guides us, leads us and interceeds in groans for us when we don't know how. I cannot imagine life without the holy spirit. In times of my struggle and helplessness, the all-knowing holy spirit sticks his head out for me, provides for me and perfomers miracles for me. God also gives me peace, he keeps my footsteps sure. It is also sweet to know that my rested sleep is a way of how God shows me he loves me.

I'm not sure if the gifts I got will sit well with my brother this time , but I am thinking perhaps what he needs is something I cannot buy. I prayed for him the gift of Holy Spirit and the gift of peace, strength, faith, wisdom and his BIG BIG love so that his spirit will be nourished and fed. Maybe his spirit is yearning for premium gifts, the type that is priceless but only God can give. I hope that his homecoming will be pleasant. I hope he will feel belong. I also hope that he knows the gifts that God gives are readily available. I am heading to the airport this evening with great joy in my heart. I can imagine how God feel if he was heading that way too.

A second lease

I haven’t read anything that tug at my heart strings for a long time. I mean those that I couldnt even let go at meal times were the literature books and suspense novels painted wild with imaginations in my entire 5-13 years of age. I started reading factually, out of necessity. Miraculously, I still wrote.

At 10yrs old my aunt saw an essay I wrote for a school assignment and told my mum how wonderfully I have written. I didn't think of my aunt very much then, afterall she peeked at my unfinished essay without permission. Out of interest I went for English tuition, my tutor always read my essays out loud in class. I started writing creatively and enjoyed the entire process of dreaming up new characters to fit into imaginative plots. At 16, these essays became the saving grace for my life. In an unexpected turn of events, my academic results tumbled. Somehow the ability to produce something out of a seemingly nothingness of my life was God's way of stretching his hands and whispering to me "Come, try again". I never gave up on life. I also tried my exams a second time. My parents took me to another school. My lady principle, though I cannot remember anything significant about her looks, did something. She gave me a second lease of life. Once I felt like a stray puppy on the street, then I was given an instant make-over. In that year, I won a nation wide essay competition, tying a merit prize together with the brainiest girl in class. Look what grace did to me.

We failed in life. Once, twice and so times more as a child, as a friend, as a wife, as an employee. I always thought artists were irrational, mostly drug addicts, social misfits, unfathomable genius who could not get along with anyone. Mozart, Vincent Van Ghoh & so many tell a past that I wouldn’t want to be part of. Yet I realised how many times I had allowed what I see dictate where I go. I have left my first love - writing for a long long time. Now I am coming back. I am asking for a second lease of life. One of my favourite author, Shannon Woodward said this “Real writing changed lives, made people think and offered hope.” I felt a tug at my heart and I saw what was on God’s mind. He would have added “It’s never too late”. May his grace be ever so sufficient.

we are like a moon

I learnt something powerful yesterday... "Like a moon, all human beings have a dark side, if we ignore it, it will overcome us. However if we own up to it and let God in, he will overcome it."

David's niece and I - trying to have a quiet corner to ourselves. I don't think anyone would believe us.  

Last nite in Jakarta, 5 Jan 05 - celebrated with David's sister's family & kid. Who can resist this mouth-watering, earth-shattering ice-cream? Yummy! 

Day 4 - On our way home. We saw a strange thing in the sky! 

Back to Jakarta - in David's house. I was particularly drawn to the window grilles. I thot they looked beautiful? can't quite put my finger on the influence of this design though. 

Day 3 - Dinner. Can you guess how much this plate cost? You'd never have guessed! only S$7. Succulent beef. ooooh, what can I say?  

Day 3 - West Java. Looks like heaven isn't it? Actually we were at the crater of an dormant volcana. There was a breeze and the thick fog came straight at us. And if you think we look cool, we were actually freezing cold. But for the sake of picture perfect, no jackets! We are crazeeee!!!! 

and of course we can't resist taking a pic together! Seems like when we get older, we tend to like quieter places or rather a place where nothing seems to move very much!  

we arrived at this absolutely tranquil place. It was so beautiful & the air was so cool. I wish i could fall asleep right in the middle of the very Lush greeneries... hmmm... 

looking for something? 

on holiday in Jakarta 27 Dec 05 - trying to find strawberries is always a delight! 

resolution 10yrs ago!

Can't believe how time flies! I drew this 10yrs ago... I was only sweet 21. I remembered pondering about life really seriously. Many things in life were so temporal, it didn't give me fulfillment. It was like chasing after the wind. Then I gave my life back to Jesus. I remembered I used to wear boots and short skirts to church but then I found it hard to kneel when God touched my heart! Then the first thing that went was my wardrobe of crazy clothes. I remembered during then, that when God touched my heart with his acceptance and unconditional love, I literally bawled my eyes out in the public, yes in church full of people. His love was so beautiful and so comforting. I didn't care if I looked ok or not. His love was so overwhelming, it wasnt necessary for me to put up any front at all. I felt so liberated. Like the deep gut feeling of being set free.

10 yrs on... entering into 2006 my passion for him increased, he has brought me through valley-lows and mountain-top highs. I am indeed exceedingly bless to have a friend in Jesus. This page is dedicated to my beloved saviour, because of him, my life has never been the same. His truth has set me free indeed. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, the life!" My new resolution in 2006? Love his word, speak his word, love his people, love him, love him, love him. I love you Jesus!

Caught in last minute gift giving?

thot this delightful gift my colleague gave aptly brought out the following:ago!

Caught in last minute gift giving?
Good for you if you receive when you least expect.
Christmas is a time rightly laden with surprises;
The Lord Jesus came as a babe;
surprise surprise, a babe saves our lives!

Yet, in the merry making of sorts;
Even with shopping and commercialization of all thoughts;
It is a wonder Gift giving never ceased even in this pagan world in the everyday life we fought.

If you are caught in a last minute giving;
Fret not, don’t grab a gift in the need to give;
Stop & Spare a thought;
for the receiver at the other end must really be your special VIP, worthy of your thought!

For the word says that a gift is meant to be,
to usher in the presence of our Lord,
his love we know it is meant for all.

so take time to say a prayer ,
and ask Jesus to show you what gift it is to be;
For a gift given out of a heart is better,
Than a gift that needs to be

Why since Jesus is the gift that keeps giving;
We know we haven’t given til we’ve given him;

A true gift lies but in the heart and not out of our hands;
So now we know, that we can all give, if we are ever caught,
In a last minute giving of any sort!!!

God loved the world, he sent Jesus!

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he sent his only son, so that whoever believed in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

What is Christmas without the birth of Jesus? Why do people give gifts during Christmas?
Who on earth is Jesus? Why is the entire world celebrating his birthday? Who is God?
Why did he sent Jesus? Can I experience his true love? Would I experience his true love?

Christmas - if we didn't drink ourselves silly, shop till we drop, or party till the sun goes down, perhaps... the space that we all craved in a time-starved city of non-stop activities and trivial pursuits, will allow us to ponder... question and evaluate the value of life more...

May you experience a truly meaningful Christmas...

Just a little bit of Christmas

this yr, our family had a smallish gathering at the four seasons for a sumptuous Festive buffet. There was so much food, we had no room for cakes!!! urgh. What a loss! so 2 days later... after everything digested, i got a log cake from Bangawan solo for only 27 Bucks . Our family ate to our hearts' content. Moral of the story: buffets are only for the gifted few... Hmmm... like my hubby...;p

Christmas & Love

Every Christmas I seemed to be hurrying LOVE. I love selecting gifts, the wrapping, the giving and all that. For the most part, I LOVE what I am doing, but everything is done in a hurry.

Last year, I had fun decorating up the house for party with friends. Then I flew to Australia with my hubby to spend it with my brother & mum. Everything was done in a hurry but things slowed down at down under. It was nice, except for the heat that didn't quite fit into the Christmas mood. Christmas dinner was home-cooked meal seated on the floor in a little modest rented apartment. There were no Christmas tree, but a bright hand-made star that hung at the glass window. My brother & mum got 2 coloured wig to welcome my hubby & me when we arrived on Christmas Day. We looked like 2 clowns celebrating Christmas with them. It was a funny sight indeed, but boy, did we have fun!

As one cannot hurry love in no form of persuasion or the speeding up of the development of love, many people cannot help but still hurry in the maddening pace of life.

But in that hurriedness of everyday life, there cannot be LOVE. I was more prepared this year. I got the Christmas cards early. In fact i got it on boxing Day 2004. It was the best time to get stuff when everything is on sale. I got Christmas gifts early this yr as well and finished writing "LOVE notes" on every cards. For those I do not get to see nor do I have their home address, there're always electronic cards we can "pre prepare".

In my unhurriedness, I seem to feel Christmas in my heart alot earlier. The familiar Christmas songs that ranges from funk to jazzy R&B ones to soulful chorals, Christmas trees that dazzles at every corners from downtown to neighourhood shopping malls. The well known Orchard Road, a signature of Singapore's yearly effort in making sure that no one forgets Christmas, dresses every lamp posts and roadsignages with as much glitter & glamour & enough lightbulbs to wake a sleeping baby. churches and caregroups round the world are not losing out, events and to-do lists piles up in an effort geared towards spreading the good news in this season of LOVE. Everything seem to strike such nostalgic notes in my heart. I thought about LOVE somemore.

I thought about who I LOVE, and those I don't. I thought about who LOVE me and those who don't. For the most part, I felt saddened. I wasnt sure if I was feeling melancholic, in self-pity or guilt, for the number of whom I don't quite LOVE was alarming. I was also equally concerned with those who I was quite sure did not LOVE me.

There is such a need for our hearts to be LOVED and to LOVE. I was blessed this year especially when God sent me true friends. I would proudly name them, for the LOVE they have given me had brought me so much so much comfort & joy. Angela, Kate, & Michelle. God also sent me a new friend & his family from Oregon who LOVE God so much. I was full of surprise & joy at what God could do! My keyboard coach & mentor, Andrea & her entire team at BelieverMusic blessed me tremendously with music, their hearts for God and people, their selfless dedication for discipleship & their immense encouragement is a testimony of God's miracle in my life! Through them, I experienced tremendous grace & LOVE outflowing from the heart of our heavenly father. And last, but not least, my family; my mum who chipped in to help with my Christmas props , her tireless preparation of dinner when i ran out of stamina from work, My brother who spent time hanging out when he was back for holiday & my husband whose gentleness & unwavering LOVE gave me the strength & encouragement to be more Christ-like.I count my blessings for the many lives who stood by me, believed me & accepted me in spite of my flaws. This, in the whole year's experiences summed up, is what make the coming Christmas worthwhile. The true spirit of Christmas, the essence of LOVE manifested through the birth of Jesus Christ.

For the many lives untouched by LOVE I pray God becomes real to them this Christmas. For the part of my heart, still fleshly & unmoved by LOVE, I pray God change me. I often wondered if it is possible that we live in a world where pure LOVE simply oozes out of every human being. I learnt the hard way that it is not to be so, at least in this time. But it is in God, who had first LOVED the world, that he sent his only son to die for us, that I found the courage and hence the hope to live & to discard that ideal and move on. To yearn for a perfect life is either one of foolishness or of escapism. God is not merciless. To help us survive through the rumble & tumble of life, he threw us yet another life-line. He exhorts us to LOVE him, and in so being we become filled with his LOVE, and then are able to LOVE others again.

This Christmas, I choose LOVE. An unhurried time to learn to LOVE those I have yet to LOVE.
John 3:16 "For God so LOVED the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

May the immeasurable LOVE of Jesus bless you as you prepare your hearts for a meaningful Christmas 2005!

Today is like any one day

The cleaning aunty told me today that she will be feeding the pet tortises and fishes with some biscuits that was thrown away by some staff.

Just 2 wks back she was pouring away coffee & tea, that were unfinished by some visitors and mumbled about the waste. I thought of how I might many times I waste too. I waste time – doing stuff that wasn’t neccessary, I waste money - giving in to impulses, I waste words by speaking unnecessarily etc. but there is one thing I know never goes to waste.

When I am grateful, I tell God. When I am fearful, I tell God. When I am sad, I tell God.
I think my most urgent prayers this year was for surgery. I could have prayed a thousand and one times, while going to bed, while traveling, while on the dentist chair, or while on the operation bed. It was a comfort knowing God never waste my prayer no matter how many times I go to him, and that is how our wonderful father is.

The cleaning aunty was so conscientious about her responsibility. And then it dawned on me that at least I know for sure forfeiting one day of our holiday and paying $10 penalty for that will also not go to waste. My husband & I figured that God is worth more than the beautiful holiday that we are going. It means giving up 1 day & 1 nite for God's presence ; it also means that even when others spend 3 days 2 nite & we only spent 1 day & 1 nite, it is still not a wasted trip. It means God is worth it, even when it cost.

"One day in the house of God is better than a thousand days in the world" came alive for us today. We are going for church prayer meeting tomorrow nite with the rest of our family church. :)

Giraffes

A friend gave us a little card with a gift when their grp came over to our place for caregroup.I haven't watched a cartoon for some time, and in many ways i found this really cute. This pair of giraffes resembles my husband & me in many ways. We are less than ordinary folks, not perfect, often spotty in our characters, we get into fights but we always make up. I didn't know Giraffes walk on twos, but sometimes it is like that with us. We don't care if we look gawky, because we are so in love with one another. But most important of all, no matter what it takes, we always walk together, always in the same direction. Love - It is a many splendid thing.

The RM$2.50 shorts

i just drenched myself in cold water, fully clothed. I wore this because he told me we'll go out together. he left early tis morning to study somewhere quiet. I did my stuff, read the papers, worshipped God on my keyboard, read some magazines, and napped. He lives a strict rostered life, i am slotted somewhere too. Yesterday i was really mad, i never got no dates, no flowers for a long time. I had to adhere to his strict time-table. he showed up at my workplace with a bunch of flowers. I felt sorry for him, he was so tired. But i wasn't looking for flowers. I was looking for a change in lifestyle. I wish I could support his studies, he is very gifted in it, but i have not strength to do it. Its difficult being a good wife.

he told me he'll have to come home 1 hr later. I felt so boxed-up, i couldnt explain. i love him. I told him on the train that he needs to sleep before 12am today so that he wouldnt get sick. He said no. i was upset. He made me worry all the time. he told me he is all grown up, he is leading the family and he will make the decision. i asked him if that means i don't play a part in the family. He didnt answer me. Then he said i shouldnt give him that face and make him feel guilty. he said he made an effort to spend time with me and want us to be happy. He said he will sleep before 12. i wanted to know if leading the family means i don't play a part. we didnt go anywhere in the end. we dropped off his library books together and went home without saying a word through the whole journey. We brushed our teeth silently. I got into the shower. He got into bed. It was 10pm. I only wear this RM$2.50 shorts on special occassion becuz the dye would come off in the wash. i handwashed the shorts and hung it up to dry.

I wish I knew

picture taken in HongKong, in a garden of a chapel

wishing that the falling star will give me a sign
Through torrential rain and rocky paths
I wish I knew if I was indeed on the right path

Where whispers of promises meet assurance of love
I wish I knew if this is indeed my kiros time

A willing heart and an attempted wait
Whether it was kneeling or listening
I wish I knew if this is indeed what I need

distance meets time
You are there at the deepest ocean
You are there in the widest of all skies
You are lord God you made them and is above them all

You alone holds our future
You alone holds our time
You alone knows the unknown

like grass we will all fade away
like flowers our lives so fragile

Wishing that the falling star will give me a sign
Through mountain tops and valleys low
I wish I knew if I was indeed on the right path

Where whispers of promises meet assurance of love
I wish I knew if this is indeed my kiros time

Lord, speak to your servant
Open my eyes,
our lives so fragile and so in need of guidance from you

you hold the spans of oceans
you weigh the nations on a scale
though we as grass may one day fade away
envelope us with your love
do not forget us Lord
we are your servants