Celebrate - Our New Garden

God has given us this really big garden,
New look at every festival

It reminded me of baby Moses
God protected him, like God protected us; he knows our need

Then God splurge his love over and beyond our dreams
Like God paid Moses’s mum to care for his own son
God created landscapes of greens so we could daily admire and be refreshed
He’s given us a gardener to tend and water
this is his love so we can remember

Now I remembered how he reminded me of his presence when I looked at flowers and plants and trees in my strolls,
I marveled at God’s creativity
Have you ever noticed how he blends colour and shapes and forms so ingeniously!

He tells me he’s my friend
Someone who simply walks beside me in my stroll
no thunder, no storms, just a stroll in the park like two long time friends
Jesus speaks in whispers
Who would’ve known, that Jesus actually strolls!

Celebrate - Can you spot David & I in our new flat?

celebration!

David was saying to me the other day “honey, we have a house now.”
I must say during the entire course of applying for a HDB flat, praying, selecting, appealing, waiting through the entire last 6mths or so, I almost lost sight of the most important thing. It was like life’s dishing out more than one expect that I had to fulfill and well, just “get it over and done with”.

I’m now trying to look for a new place for mum and selling her current place. This buying and selling of house doesn’t look as though it is ending for me yet. You see, I’m a careful person of all sorts, too careful at times maybe, when it comes to making decisions like these, I take an awful long time to wait upon God. I’ll be asking God probably a million times, “so how now”, “Yes, no, dunno?”, “speak to me Lord, what’s your way?” Since I know that God is not late, is never in a hurry and never lets us down, I figured I can’t be sitting there waiting for an answer to fall from heaven. What I did, while waiting in prayer, I went on to embark on different projects in life. I enjoyed it immensely, but one thing I forgot, in my “enjoyment of activities of all sorts”, I forgot to pause. What David said was like a breath of fresh air. I halt mid sentence, looked at him and allowed myself to soak in all the excitement and awe. Inside, I turned upwards to look at God and said ....“Wow!”. I realized though I had mumbled “thank God” at every turn of decision whether it is ours or HDB’s, maybe, just maybe those words were too simple a matter of convenience. Did I really mean it deep inside?

God did amazing things. Being first time home owners, we were basically in the dark about almost everything. God inspired us to move last year. He led us to exactly the right timing for a walk-in selection program in our neighbourhood – exactly where we wanted it and at a price that can only be described as “unbelievable”. We found ourselves in a flat needing fairly major renovations, and a knocked-down wall between 2 bedrooms. Sitting through dilemma wasn’t the best way to handle this. We prayed and asked God. Our hearts were like see-saw. Finally, we made a decision and signed the dotted line. To our surprise, we found that we were not eligible for HDB loans. Going on bank loans meant higher interest rates and we hated debts. Believing God for his utmost providence, we prayed and appealed to HDB. Once, twice, three times. Over Christmas 2005 and New Year 2006, a phone call came and this time it was good news. God gave us a four bedroom flat at $134,000 which will be fully paid for within two years on HDB loans! Is God in all these or what?

After the game, celebrate the win. Glory is be to God's forever.

Welcome Home!

My younger brother is coming home today. I am so happy. It is like a new beginning.
I cleaned his room 2 weeks ago, and washed his bedsheets, and wipe his bedroom walls yesterday. I wanted to throw away the mirror that cut him few years ago because I don't want the same thing to happen to him. I cared for him and love my brother alot, just that as we grow older, it seems difficult somewhat to express my love. It seemed that aside from spending time together, the other thing I tend to over-do is to buy lots of stuff for him, not that I am making up for the "Absent-sister" sydrome, which was never an issue ever since we were under the same roof. I often thought of what he needed and what he might lack, but then again, I am frequently wrong.

I tried getting a shirt 2 years ago, which he claimed that he liked but then wore it only once. I got him many winter clothes but they were either the wrong colour or wrong style. I got him a wallet last year when I saw that his was tattered and torn only to realise that that was the "in" look! So the wallet I got was again useless. He then mentioned that I should not get him what he already has. This year I got him a pair of jeans, and although he already has one, I thought maybe 1 is not enough especially for guys. Our in-laws also got him a Mp3 player by ScanDisk a popular storage maker in the U.S and a mug bearing his name.

I think of homecoming in the train this morning. I thought of something along the line of what God said, "eagerly yearn and groan for our home which is in heaven". I tried to imagine how I should be feeling. God must be talking about the intense feeling of anticipation, a churn in the stomach almost, but more than that, it is the deep longing to go back where I belong. How many people approach life on the exit this way, since I think it is only through our expiry date on earth that we can go home in heaven? Before we got it all wrong, God is not asking us to seek to end it all, but illuminating The way we are purposed to live. It is when we know where we are going, then we know how we can get there. While we are here, God bestowed many gifts. His gift of holy spirit guides us, leads us and interceeds in groans for us when we don't know how. I cannot imagine life without the holy spirit. In times of my struggle and helplessness, the all-knowing holy spirit sticks his head out for me, provides for me and perfomers miracles for me. God also gives me peace, he keeps my footsteps sure. It is also sweet to know that my rested sleep is a way of how God shows me he loves me.

I'm not sure if the gifts I got will sit well with my brother this time , but I am thinking perhaps what he needs is something I cannot buy. I prayed for him the gift of Holy Spirit and the gift of peace, strength, faith, wisdom and his BIG BIG love so that his spirit will be nourished and fed. Maybe his spirit is yearning for premium gifts, the type that is priceless but only God can give. I hope that his homecoming will be pleasant. I hope he will feel belong. I also hope that he knows the gifts that God gives are readily available. I am heading to the airport this evening with great joy in my heart. I can imagine how God feel if he was heading that way too.

A second lease

I haven’t read anything that tug at my heart strings for a long time. I mean those that I couldnt even let go at meal times were the literature books and suspense novels painted wild with imaginations in my entire 5-13 years of age. I started reading factually, out of necessity. Miraculously, I still wrote.

At 10yrs old my aunt saw an essay I wrote for a school assignment and told my mum how wonderfully I have written. I didn't think of my aunt very much then, afterall she peeked at my unfinished essay without permission. Out of interest I went for English tuition, my tutor always read my essays out loud in class. I started writing creatively and enjoyed the entire process of dreaming up new characters to fit into imaginative plots. At 16, these essays became the saving grace for my life. In an unexpected turn of events, my academic results tumbled. Somehow the ability to produce something out of a seemingly nothingness of my life was God's way of stretching his hands and whispering to me "Come, try again". I never gave up on life. I also tried my exams a second time. My parents took me to another school. My lady principle, though I cannot remember anything significant about her looks, did something. She gave me a second lease of life. Once I felt like a stray puppy on the street, then I was given an instant make-over. In that year, I won a nation wide essay competition, tying a merit prize together with the brainiest girl in class. Look what grace did to me.

We failed in life. Once, twice and so times more as a child, as a friend, as a wife, as an employee. I always thought artists were irrational, mostly drug addicts, social misfits, unfathomable genius who could not get along with anyone. Mozart, Vincent Van Ghoh & so many tell a past that I wouldn’t want to be part of. Yet I realised how many times I had allowed what I see dictate where I go. I have left my first love - writing for a long long time. Now I am coming back. I am asking for a second lease of life. One of my favourite author, Shannon Woodward said this “Real writing changed lives, made people think and offered hope.” I felt a tug at my heart and I saw what was on God’s mind. He would have added “It’s never too late”. May his grace be ever so sufficient.

we are like a moon

I learnt something powerful yesterday... "Like a moon, all human beings have a dark side, if we ignore it, it will overcome us. However if we own up to it and let God in, he will overcome it."

David's niece and I - trying to have a quiet corner to ourselves. I don't think anyone would believe us.  

Last nite in Jakarta, 5 Jan 05 - celebrated with David's sister's family & kid. Who can resist this mouth-watering, earth-shattering ice-cream? Yummy! 

Day 4 - On our way home. We saw a strange thing in the sky! 

Back to Jakarta - in David's house. I was particularly drawn to the window grilles. I thot they looked beautiful? can't quite put my finger on the influence of this design though. 

Day 3 - Dinner. Can you guess how much this plate cost? You'd never have guessed! only S$7. Succulent beef. ooooh, what can I say?  

Day 3 - West Java. Looks like heaven isn't it? Actually we were at the crater of an dormant volcana. There was a breeze and the thick fog came straight at us. And if you think we look cool, we were actually freezing cold. But for the sake of picture perfect, no jackets! We are crazeeee!!!! 

and of course we can't resist taking a pic together! Seems like when we get older, we tend to like quieter places or rather a place where nothing seems to move very much!  

we arrived at this absolutely tranquil place. It was so beautiful & the air was so cool. I wish i could fall asleep right in the middle of the very Lush greeneries... hmmm... 

looking for something? 

on holiday in Jakarta 27 Dec 05 - trying to find strawberries is always a delight! 

resolution 10yrs ago!

Can't believe how time flies! I drew this 10yrs ago... I was only sweet 21. I remembered pondering about life really seriously. Many things in life were so temporal, it didn't give me fulfillment. It was like chasing after the wind. Then I gave my life back to Jesus. I remembered I used to wear boots and short skirts to church but then I found it hard to kneel when God touched my heart! Then the first thing that went was my wardrobe of crazy clothes. I remembered during then, that when God touched my heart with his acceptance and unconditional love, I literally bawled my eyes out in the public, yes in church full of people. His love was so beautiful and so comforting. I didn't care if I looked ok or not. His love was so overwhelming, it wasnt necessary for me to put up any front at all. I felt so liberated. Like the deep gut feeling of being set free.

10 yrs on... entering into 2006 my passion for him increased, he has brought me through valley-lows and mountain-top highs. I am indeed exceedingly bless to have a friend in Jesus. This page is dedicated to my beloved saviour, because of him, my life has never been the same. His truth has set me free indeed. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, the life!" My new resolution in 2006? Love his word, speak his word, love his people, love him, love him, love him. I love you Jesus!

Caught in last minute gift giving?

thot this delightful gift my colleague gave aptly brought out the following:ago!

Caught in last minute gift giving?
Good for you if you receive when you least expect.
Christmas is a time rightly laden with surprises;
The Lord Jesus came as a babe;
surprise surprise, a babe saves our lives!

Yet, in the merry making of sorts;
Even with shopping and commercialization of all thoughts;
It is a wonder Gift giving never ceased even in this pagan world in the everyday life we fought.

If you are caught in a last minute giving;
Fret not, don’t grab a gift in the need to give;
Stop & Spare a thought;
for the receiver at the other end must really be your special VIP, worthy of your thought!

For the word says that a gift is meant to be,
to usher in the presence of our Lord,
his love we know it is meant for all.

so take time to say a prayer ,
and ask Jesus to show you what gift it is to be;
For a gift given out of a heart is better,
Than a gift that needs to be

Why since Jesus is the gift that keeps giving;
We know we haven’t given til we’ve given him;

A true gift lies but in the heart and not out of our hands;
So now we know, that we can all give, if we are ever caught,
In a last minute giving of any sort!!!

God loved the world, he sent Jesus!

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he sent his only son, so that whoever believed in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

What is Christmas without the birth of Jesus? Why do people give gifts during Christmas?
Who on earth is Jesus? Why is the entire world celebrating his birthday? Who is God?
Why did he sent Jesus? Can I experience his true love? Would I experience his true love?

Christmas - if we didn't drink ourselves silly, shop till we drop, or party till the sun goes down, perhaps... the space that we all craved in a time-starved city of non-stop activities and trivial pursuits, will allow us to ponder... question and evaluate the value of life more...

May you experience a truly meaningful Christmas...

Just a little bit of Christmas

this yr, our family had a smallish gathering at the four seasons for a sumptuous Festive buffet. There was so much food, we had no room for cakes!!! urgh. What a loss! so 2 days later... after everything digested, i got a log cake from Bangawan solo for only 27 Bucks . Our family ate to our hearts' content. Moral of the story: buffets are only for the gifted few... Hmmm... like my hubby...;p

Christmas & Love

Every Christmas I seemed to be hurrying LOVE. I love selecting gifts, the wrapping, the giving and all that. For the most part, I LOVE what I am doing, but everything is done in a hurry.

Last year, I had fun decorating up the house for party with friends. Then I flew to Australia with my hubby to spend it with my brother & mum. Everything was done in a hurry but things slowed down at down under. It was nice, except for the heat that didn't quite fit into the Christmas mood. Christmas dinner was home-cooked meal seated on the floor in a little modest rented apartment. There were no Christmas tree, but a bright hand-made star that hung at the glass window. My brother & mum got 2 coloured wig to welcome my hubby & me when we arrived on Christmas Day. We looked like 2 clowns celebrating Christmas with them. It was a funny sight indeed, but boy, did we have fun!

As one cannot hurry love in no form of persuasion or the speeding up of the development of love, many people cannot help but still hurry in the maddening pace of life.

But in that hurriedness of everyday life, there cannot be LOVE. I was more prepared this year. I got the Christmas cards early. In fact i got it on boxing Day 2004. It was the best time to get stuff when everything is on sale. I got Christmas gifts early this yr as well and finished writing "LOVE notes" on every cards. For those I do not get to see nor do I have their home address, there're always electronic cards we can "pre prepare".

In my unhurriedness, I seem to feel Christmas in my heart alot earlier. The familiar Christmas songs that ranges from funk to jazzy R&B ones to soulful chorals, Christmas trees that dazzles at every corners from downtown to neighourhood shopping malls. The well known Orchard Road, a signature of Singapore's yearly effort in making sure that no one forgets Christmas, dresses every lamp posts and roadsignages with as much glitter & glamour & enough lightbulbs to wake a sleeping baby. churches and caregroups round the world are not losing out, events and to-do lists piles up in an effort geared towards spreading the good news in this season of LOVE. Everything seem to strike such nostalgic notes in my heart. I thought about LOVE somemore.

I thought about who I LOVE, and those I don't. I thought about who LOVE me and those who don't. For the most part, I felt saddened. I wasnt sure if I was feeling melancholic, in self-pity or guilt, for the number of whom I don't quite LOVE was alarming. I was also equally concerned with those who I was quite sure did not LOVE me.

There is such a need for our hearts to be LOVED and to LOVE. I was blessed this year especially when God sent me true friends. I would proudly name them, for the LOVE they have given me had brought me so much so much comfort & joy. Angela, Kate, & Michelle. God also sent me a new friend & his family from Oregon who LOVE God so much. I was full of surprise & joy at what God could do! My keyboard coach & mentor, Andrea & her entire team at BelieverMusic blessed me tremendously with music, their hearts for God and people, their selfless dedication for discipleship & their immense encouragement is a testimony of God's miracle in my life! Through them, I experienced tremendous grace & LOVE outflowing from the heart of our heavenly father. And last, but not least, my family; my mum who chipped in to help with my Christmas props , her tireless preparation of dinner when i ran out of stamina from work, My brother who spent time hanging out when he was back for holiday & my husband whose gentleness & unwavering LOVE gave me the strength & encouragement to be more Christ-like.I count my blessings for the many lives who stood by me, believed me & accepted me in spite of my flaws. This, in the whole year's experiences summed up, is what make the coming Christmas worthwhile. The true spirit of Christmas, the essence of LOVE manifested through the birth of Jesus Christ.

For the many lives untouched by LOVE I pray God becomes real to them this Christmas. For the part of my heart, still fleshly & unmoved by LOVE, I pray God change me. I often wondered if it is possible that we live in a world where pure LOVE simply oozes out of every human being. I learnt the hard way that it is not to be so, at least in this time. But it is in God, who had first LOVED the world, that he sent his only son to die for us, that I found the courage and hence the hope to live & to discard that ideal and move on. To yearn for a perfect life is either one of foolishness or of escapism. God is not merciless. To help us survive through the rumble & tumble of life, he threw us yet another life-line. He exhorts us to LOVE him, and in so being we become filled with his LOVE, and then are able to LOVE others again.

This Christmas, I choose LOVE. An unhurried time to learn to LOVE those I have yet to LOVE.
John 3:16 "For God so LOVED the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

May the immeasurable LOVE of Jesus bless you as you prepare your hearts for a meaningful Christmas 2005!

Today is like any one day

The cleaning aunty told me today that she will be feeding the pet tortises and fishes with some biscuits that was thrown away by some staff.

Just 2 wks back she was pouring away coffee & tea, that were unfinished by some visitors and mumbled about the waste. I thought of how I might many times I waste too. I waste time – doing stuff that wasn’t neccessary, I waste money - giving in to impulses, I waste words by speaking unnecessarily etc. but there is one thing I know never goes to waste.

When I am grateful, I tell God. When I am fearful, I tell God. When I am sad, I tell God.
I think my most urgent prayers this year was for surgery. I could have prayed a thousand and one times, while going to bed, while traveling, while on the dentist chair, or while on the operation bed. It was a comfort knowing God never waste my prayer no matter how many times I go to him, and that is how our wonderful father is.

The cleaning aunty was so conscientious about her responsibility. And then it dawned on me that at least I know for sure forfeiting one day of our holiday and paying $10 penalty for that will also not go to waste. My husband & I figured that God is worth more than the beautiful holiday that we are going. It means giving up 1 day & 1 nite for God's presence ; it also means that even when others spend 3 days 2 nite & we only spent 1 day & 1 nite, it is still not a wasted trip. It means God is worth it, even when it cost.

"One day in the house of God is better than a thousand days in the world" came alive for us today. We are going for church prayer meeting tomorrow nite with the rest of our family church. :)

Giraffes

A friend gave us a little card with a gift when their grp came over to our place for caregroup.I haven't watched a cartoon for some time, and in many ways i found this really cute. This pair of giraffes resembles my husband & me in many ways. We are less than ordinary folks, not perfect, often spotty in our characters, we get into fights but we always make up. I didn't know Giraffes walk on twos, but sometimes it is like that with us. We don't care if we look gawky, because we are so in love with one another. But most important of all, no matter what it takes, we always walk together, always in the same direction. Love - It is a many splendid thing.

The RM$2.50 shorts

i just drenched myself in cold water, fully clothed. I wore this because he told me we'll go out together. he left early tis morning to study somewhere quiet. I did my stuff, read the papers, worshipped God on my keyboard, read some magazines, and napped. He lives a strict rostered life, i am slotted somewhere too. Yesterday i was really mad, i never got no dates, no flowers for a long time. I had to adhere to his strict time-table. he showed up at my workplace with a bunch of flowers. I felt sorry for him, he was so tired. But i wasn't looking for flowers. I was looking for a change in lifestyle. I wish I could support his studies, he is very gifted in it, but i have not strength to do it. Its difficult being a good wife.

he told me he'll have to come home 1 hr later. I felt so boxed-up, i couldnt explain. i love him. I told him on the train that he needs to sleep before 12am today so that he wouldnt get sick. He said no. i was upset. He made me worry all the time. he told me he is all grown up, he is leading the family and he will make the decision. i asked him if that means i don't play a part in the family. He didnt answer me. Then he said i shouldnt give him that face and make him feel guilty. he said he made an effort to spend time with me and want us to be happy. He said he will sleep before 12. i wanted to know if leading the family means i don't play a part. we didnt go anywhere in the end. we dropped off his library books together and went home without saying a word through the whole journey. We brushed our teeth silently. I got into the shower. He got into bed. It was 10pm. I only wear this RM$2.50 shorts on special occassion becuz the dye would come off in the wash. i handwashed the shorts and hung it up to dry.

I wish I knew

picture taken in HongKong, in a garden of a chapel

wishing that the falling star will give me a sign
Through torrential rain and rocky paths
I wish I knew if I was indeed on the right path

Where whispers of promises meet assurance of love
I wish I knew if this is indeed my kiros time

A willing heart and an attempted wait
Whether it was kneeling or listening
I wish I knew if this is indeed what I need

distance meets time
You are there at the deepest ocean
You are there in the widest of all skies
You are lord God you made them and is above them all

You alone holds our future
You alone holds our time
You alone knows the unknown

like grass we will all fade away
like flowers our lives so fragile

Wishing that the falling star will give me a sign
Through mountain tops and valleys low
I wish I knew if I was indeed on the right path

Where whispers of promises meet assurance of love
I wish I knew if this is indeed my kiros time

Lord, speak to your servant
Open my eyes,
our lives so fragile and so in need of guidance from you

you hold the spans of oceans
you weigh the nations on a scale
though we as grass may one day fade away
envelope us with your love
do not forget us Lord
we are your servants

God makes all things beautiful in his time

picture taken in Kyoto, Geisha District

Shy glances, love songs and a little tinkling on the skin
suprising smiles,
these little heart quirks

When the dust settles
and
dreamers fade into the mist
those little dreams
they too disappear

when the right one is not this one
where the heart goes
we cannot follow

When the right one is not this one
Let the rain wash it out
My friend don’t look back

Precious, there’s no situation too bleak
There’s no road too steep
Let go, walk on
God will lead you to the right one
The perfection of his timing we will seek

He has made everything beautiful in its time (Ecc 3:11)

Sweet Tide of Life

picture taken at Cogee Beach, Sydney

The Sweet Tide of LifeThe Tide
As suddenly as the tide rushes in, it also ebbs
the minute it had carried all that we hoped ashore, it took everything out to sea again

Shocked, unbelief, questions reeled together in a pressing hope for another miracle
We call the name of Jesus, the name of hope

As tiny as it was
The fluttering of a little 6-wks heartbeat we last saw
A sprit formed, a precious being created
A little darling barely 2 wks craved of our attention
Our senses she already gripped

Nevertheless, God had meant for us to let her go
We held on to what God has in store for us
and also what he has in store for her
We knew him to be loving
We knew him to be in control

That morning I saw in my dream
a girl of about 7 or 8 years of age
Standing in the midst of a rising tide, ocean wide
She was about to drown while I cry out “No!”
And again the dream returned
exactly the same that morning
I realized later it was actually God
telling me ahead what the doctor will see
in only a few hours away
it was awesomeKing of the TideThe room was pink
As if the play on words “pink of health!” fitted the occasion
It was assuring, carers had beautiful hearts
Everything else was quiet in the room
except for palpitations of my heart
Why I’ve never had an op done let alone a D&C!

While thirst and mild hunger sets in
A familiar voice prepared me ahead that morning
“As in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have looked upon you, the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.” Psalm 63

“Still” was an amazing song that kept me steady and gave me strength.
It was a song I sang over and over. God is powerful.When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still, know you are God…
The last thing I heard was “Breathe slowly … go to sleep”
And before I know it, it was done! It was so easy, I couldn’t believe it!
Suddenly I felt a sense of loss and a burst of tears came rushing in
I buried myself in my husband’s chest. I had a blast releasing the dam, it was so good after that.
A wave of peace and new hope swept over us
God was with us all the time
Life is a series of rough sea
Swimming in unfamiliar sea without Jesus would have meant missing his grace entirely

Though each tide sure was new to us
We also knew we walked with a powerful God that he is
Each pregnancy is uniquely filled with the grace of God
How delicate, how precious each life truly is in his eyes
He is in control, he is the King of tide!---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Special thanks to friends who offered their invaluable encouragements, advises and love.

Also to friends who shared our excitement for the news of our first time pregnancy,
We’ll do the excitement all over again! This time it was merely a rehearsal!
Stay tuned! :)

With God’s grace & love
David & Sharon

In the game of life...

photography by Steven Yeo

How do you know if your life is purposeful ?

What Price?

What price, my body?

I recently encountered a few comments about my physique. It reminded me of what young children use to do in schools. For a child who is on the heavier side, he/she would often end up being the butt of his classmates’ jokes. They will be called various names associated with animal kingdom. For the lightness of a being, like me, our fate is no better. We get objects inspired name. As far as name calling goes, the more creative the names gets, the uglier the language, the more pain it inflicts.

So it is no wonder why beauty treatments, or rather aesthetic science as it is called nowadays are gaining in popularity. Someone asked a very good question recently, “why is it that Aesthetic doctors gets paid more than doctors that saved lives?”

Whatever happened to beauty is skinned deep?

I guess people just didn’t believe it anymore. I didn’t know that botox treatment is available to common folks like me. Until recently, Madonna no longer have the exclusivity of a good thing. Wrinkles, freckles, sagged skinned, too big, too small, too tall, too short. From cosmetic folks, to spa boutiques, gym, aesthetic science and even some religion are positioning themselves as the godess of beauty. Gone are your beauty woes, seek them and be beautiful. The idea that I look beautiful, therefore feel beautiful seem to appeal to both male or female alike.

I am a victim

Since “rebonding” (a technique that straightens curlyy hair were out), everyone went wild over it, especially those who were borne with unruly hair. I am one of them. I went for it, and experiened a momentous slick straight hair. The moment of turning my head felt so divine. Believe it or not, I instantly felt beautiful!
I suppose, the only excuse I can find is that we Asians just do not know how to appreciate natural curls, or it could be that as human beings, we’re just so dissatisfied with ourselves. I did my rebonding, but 6mths later, my stylist commented that I should cut it and let my natural curls spill. It was a tough one for me. I felt that since rebonding, I no longer have to care how my hair went each time I step out of the house. To be specific, I don’t even comb my hair anymore!

However, after rounds of persistent nudgings by my stylist, I finally caved in. She layered it, so my natural curls revealed itself. Fact of the matter is, I never knew I could love my hair the way it was created. It dawned on me that my creator is a pretty good artist himself. So why doubt his workmanship? I guessed God made us different not just so we look different, but so we have strengths and weakness that can complement and support the others in the community. He made us different so that we can learn to love those who are different, including ourselves.

If not beauty, then what?

Since beauty seems to be closely related to parts of our anatomy to a certain extent, I would like to think that the biggest culprit is our eyes. Our eyes are prone to wander. They look at objects of beauty and led our heart to believe that for all things to qualify “beautiful”, it has to follow that ‘benchmark’ or ‘standard’. Hence we judge others and ourselves on the same. Sometimes we are harsher on others, sometimes harsher still on ourselves.

So we see people rushing to go under knives, or to invest a huge sum of money for a complete make-over. Surely the motivation must be pretty major. Underneath the need to be beautiful may very well lie a desire to be transformed, to be accepted, to be admired, to be loved. Well, to me the motivation seems common enough, I guess everyone who is a human being needed that.

The question is, “can we actually ‘buy’ acceptance by going under the knife, or pouring thousands into making ourselves look good? I tend to be a little more skeptical in this. Are we trying to gain the acceptance and love of people who are superficial or are we insulting the intelligence of those whom we think will accept us based on how we look? If I am going under the knife or ‘invest’ thousands of dollars, I want to make sure that the goods I get are genuine and so are its functionality. I certainly don’t want something that looks good outside but faulty on the same inside.

The fact of the matter is that beneath that layer of skin or the body that we see everyday lies a very very precious thing call the heart. Come to think of it, our eyes has so convincingly lead our heart by the nose … literally, to believe that acceptance has got everything to do with our body and nothing to do with our heart. A picture of acceptance captured my heart so often is when I take the bus. I see parents holding their babies with such love and adoration even though their babies look so helpless, are pesky or disobedient at times. The picture reminds me of our heavenly father. Some of us may not have perfect figure or perfect physique, some of us may be handicap. But like a parent, God is a fair God, he accepts and loves us JUST THE WAY WE ARE. Isn’t that such a freedom truth? Isn’t that unmerited favour? Doesn’t that include everyone? Wow!

Think about it, such acceptance will even make beauty cheap isn’t it? Because to me, if the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings of the universe had already loved and accepted me regardless of how I look, why would I still be chasing after the love of mere mortals? Wouldn’t that be cheapening the love that God has freely gave?
Someone once said, it doesn’t matter what the world thinks of you, what matters is that you mean the world to someone. And that someone is the Majestic God who created the universe and created you and me.

Piano & me

I was fasting today and God showed me something slightly after, as I was reading the chapter on “the power of acceptance”, God showed me again how I fear failure because of my weakness. It was in line with the theme God was revealing to me last wk, I believe the work is not complete and he is still revealing in me on this particular issue.

Last keyboard lesson I was faced with much pressure as it took me about 2 weeks to master a certain rhythm. I feel quite inadequate compared to the rest of the class as they all seemed to catch everything so quickly. So for the last 2 wks, the usual me who will rush home to practice everyday after a new song, took many days off from practicing, mainly as I felt too discouraged to pick it up. I began to have doubts in my mind, feeling that I was inadequate, feeling that I’ve never been very good at anything I do. And God took the wks of experience to purge many weakness I have. I realized that I have been trapped in a mindset since young that I have to be the top of the class in everything I do. I rose very young to be the first lead child singer for a then SBC drama program, I passed every audition with flying colours, actually as far as I remember, it was effortless as well. I lapped up praises from adults and peers alike. After which, in my early teens I failed in one singing competition and I never sang anymore. It broke my heart. A media mentioned of the falling of a child prodigy made a big dent in my life. I couldn’t eat for a day. At 10years old, my dream of being a singer dashed. At 12, I picked up another hobby and began to win competitions here and there. But I never broke through in my fear of failing.

In our life, we win some, we lose some, and then there’s the in-between. Even the knowledge of this could only help us to comprehend the workings of the world superficially. Now, some 19 years later, God probed again. When Holy Spirit works, he gently but surely purge from deep within our souls, because in the beginning he was the word, the word which is his truth sets us free.

Let me continue my story. I was whispering a song on the holy spirit and he spoke to me. God was not looking for perfect people, he was looking for faithful people. I must say, for someone who is not gifted in discipline, whether it is perfect or faithful, these may seem like an insurmountable mountain.

But the Grace of God provides where we ourselves cannot. Throughout the years, God himself helped me greatly in the area of discipline. I had learnt to be faithful despite my feelings, despite the circumstances. Travelling on the same path faithfully and diligently is a result of faith which God has planted and watered in my heart, causing it to grow over time. It did not come easy, and it did not come instantly. Now I am blessed with a husband, gifted in discipline and thus faithfulness that comes with it. I continue to learn from him on this journey of being faithful.

Because I am a creative kid, I am like what most Singaporean parents would say “stupid” in this academic craze world. It was not possible to think I am smart and then not feel smart, because the whole equation just doesn’t work! God revealed to me the weakness he placed in people is for us to depend on him, and not for us to look down upon. I also understood if I could not accept the grace and acceptance that God had offered to me, I could not accept myself or be gracious to myself for my own weakness and hence unto others as well. So it is so with whatever un-christlike way people treat one another, it is because they themselves are first trapped in the same way, that they subconciously expect others to be “trapped” like them.

Most of us, because of our weakness, we try harder. Basically we miss the freedom perspective that Jesus so freely gives us. Now I know that even if I am given a set of poor memory and the lack of a mathematical mind, the greatest thing is that I have a Big God I can depend on. Since I am married, I might give this perspective as well. Just because our spouse may be gifted in the area that we’re not does not give us the excuse to depend on him alone. God’s intention is that we can first depend on the holy spirit and experience the freedom that his truth brings. My husband is gifted both with excellent memory and a sharp mathematical mind, whereas for me, I can rest assured that creativity is not a bad word. I am just a child soaked in an abundant grace of God. What I cannot do, I can because Jesus lives in me. When I am weak, I am strong! How powerful is that?

Plasma TV

Heard of the quickest evolution ever taken place? Or the most subtle invasion into your wallet and self-esteem? Welcome to the well-known, unknown world of technology and its gadgets. If it thrills, your wallet spills, whatever speeds, it also whizzes. A million tech gadgets out there and even current ones being manufactured can vouch for it. Yep, they’re borne with a snazzy personality, slick skinned and are cool in more ways than one can ever imagined. Look at how people light up whenever they hold a new gadget. Yet for a less than 12 mths infatuation later, or some lesser, they’re into something new, something more snazzy than the first, saved for some whose pocket has been busted since they sacrificed for their love at first sight. Sour grapes who turned mister miser overnite would say, oh well, I have enough of a good thing. Anyway I don’t need it. Indeed, all that glitters are saved for those with a reservoir –sized of “disposable income” – loosely translated “can be given away anytime for anything”.

A look at what we had or need previously 10 or 20 years ago versus what we “need” now. Technology gadgets today are feeding the emptiness of a soul more than an empty household. Who needs a plasma screen unless one is severely myopic. And even if one is so, it would be hilarious to think of enlarging everything around just to be able to see! Honestly, just who are we kidding? With the ooohs and aaahhhs and rave reviews of what people would be reduce to without the most up-to-date gadgets, it is a wonder we don’t see gadgets sitting on the altar. Perhaps the altar is one that is unseen, but nonetheless it exists right inside a men’s soul! Enslaved by tech gadgets is an understatement. If tech gadgets could stretch out and hug us, it would easily be our next-of-kin. Guess how much time we spent with it, opps! Does it go by gender, or pet name? Perhaps it is by some strange satisfaction of being able to accomplish a task or a function that we feel a little more elevated than mere human beings. It puts us on par with … er… machines?

Statistics shows that more children are spending more time in front of the play station, or own handheld games. The numbers in the adult category are similarly gaining in numbers. No human beings should go on a strictly no tech gadgets diet, in my opinion. But there lies the “soul” distinction of who calls the shots. Interestingly tech gadgets as they are so affectionately called do have the ability to cause addiction. It lives to this date, much to the hilarity and excitement of inventors to be able to create a cult following, purely challenging and pushing the boundaries of human capabilities and the limited time-space on this earth. Tech gadgets has the ability to take one out of boundaries, explore the unexplorable and make what is impossible a possibility.

As if the mind-boggling functions and features are not enough to cause us to think that we are more powerful that we think. Owning it certainly brings that association closer to the heart, or some might think, a reality. Let’s go beyond what a handphone might do nowadays compared to the ones in the first generation.
Owning a super duper handphone that looks close to a handheld spaceship certainly does wonders for your self-esteem. I wouldn’t claim a culture of shopaholics these days, rather a generation of frail & starved souls. Ownership is a big thing, it has the tendency to feel like an extended part of your being and therefore the sense of ability thereof. Strange creatures we are, but true.