The RM$2.50 shorts

i just drenched myself in cold water, fully clothed. I wore this because he told me we'll go out together. he left early tis morning to study somewhere quiet. I did my stuff, read the papers, worshipped God on my keyboard, read some magazines, and napped. He lives a strict rostered life, i am slotted somewhere too. Yesterday i was really mad, i never got no dates, no flowers for a long time. I had to adhere to his strict time-table. he showed up at my workplace with a bunch of flowers. I felt sorry for him, he was so tired. But i wasn't looking for flowers. I was looking for a change in lifestyle. I wish I could support his studies, he is very gifted in it, but i have not strength to do it. Its difficult being a good wife.

he told me he'll have to come home 1 hr later. I felt so boxed-up, i couldnt explain. i love him. I told him on the train that he needs to sleep before 12am today so that he wouldnt get sick. He said no. i was upset. He made me worry all the time. he told me he is all grown up, he is leading the family and he will make the decision. i asked him if that means i don't play a part in the family. He didnt answer me. Then he said i shouldnt give him that face and make him feel guilty. he said he made an effort to spend time with me and want us to be happy. He said he will sleep before 12. i wanted to know if leading the family means i don't play a part. we didnt go anywhere in the end. we dropped off his library books together and went home without saying a word through the whole journey. We brushed our teeth silently. I got into the shower. He got into bed. It was 10pm. I only wear this RM$2.50 shorts on special occassion becuz the dye would come off in the wash. i handwashed the shorts and hung it up to dry.

I wish I knew

picture taken in HongKong, in a garden of a chapel

wishing that the falling star will give me a sign
Through torrential rain and rocky paths
I wish I knew if I was indeed on the right path

Where whispers of promises meet assurance of love
I wish I knew if this is indeed my kiros time

A willing heart and an attempted wait
Whether it was kneeling or listening
I wish I knew if this is indeed what I need

distance meets time
You are there at the deepest ocean
You are there in the widest of all skies
You are lord God you made them and is above them all

You alone holds our future
You alone holds our time
You alone knows the unknown

like grass we will all fade away
like flowers our lives so fragile

Wishing that the falling star will give me a sign
Through mountain tops and valleys low
I wish I knew if I was indeed on the right path

Where whispers of promises meet assurance of love
I wish I knew if this is indeed my kiros time

Lord, speak to your servant
Open my eyes,
our lives so fragile and so in need of guidance from you

you hold the spans of oceans
you weigh the nations on a scale
though we as grass may one day fade away
envelope us with your love
do not forget us Lord
we are your servants