God's presence

The door was opened, he welcomed me home with opened arms, always. He always ran to the door if he heard my footsteps. But I was waiting to meet someone else. Laying aside hunger, I let loose my bundle of hair, allowing some trivial thoughts run wild. "Should I wash my hair today or tomorrow morning?" Perhaps it was a lazy thought, so the question went unanswered. The warm stream of water splashed down my head, it felt cathartic.

I was thinking about someone else while watching the mist steamed up the bathroom. It had been a long week, my soul was weary and patience wore thin on many occassions. David and I always made a point to dine together as much as possible, but today, I had asked him to go ahead before me, I felt bad, but I was so tired. This short retreat should be enough to tide me for dinner later. I reckon. Yearning for that someone was an understatement of all sorts. All I wanted to was to crawl in and remain there, but this one steam bath wasn't going to provide it, and neither is dining with my husband. It was one of those days when the door swings open and I could only managed a weak mumble. Watching David's excited face when he sees me always puts a smile in my heart. I think its these little treats that God puts for us that cushions our fall.

I spoke to God at last. The friend I had been waiting to talk with. I prayed in the spirit. I know that the holy spirit helps me in groans which I cannot understand. I know he didn't mind me crying or my sighs at all. My ever gentle and patient friend knows that this hide-out place was temporary. Besides rejoining David at the dinner table, life must, inevitably go on. And although all I could hear are the sounds of gushing water at that moment, there were no need for reasons and no need for any spoken words. No burning bush, no raging thunder, it was a special kind of rest. The kind that is at his feet.

Celebrate - Our New Garden

God has given us this really big garden,
New look at every festival

It reminded me of baby Moses
God protected him, like God protected us; he knows our need

Then God splurge his love over and beyond our dreams
Like God paid Moses’s mum to care for his own son
God created landscapes of greens so we could daily admire and be refreshed
He’s given us a gardener to tend and water
this is his love so we can remember

Now I remembered how he reminded me of his presence when I looked at flowers and plants and trees in my strolls,
I marveled at God’s creativity
Have you ever noticed how he blends colour and shapes and forms so ingeniously!

He tells me he’s my friend
Someone who simply walks beside me in my stroll
no thunder, no storms, just a stroll in the park like two long time friends
Jesus speaks in whispers
Who would’ve known, that Jesus actually strolls!

Celebrate - Can you spot David & I in our new flat?

celebration!

David was saying to me the other day “honey, we have a house now.”
I must say during the entire course of applying for a HDB flat, praying, selecting, appealing, waiting through the entire last 6mths or so, I almost lost sight of the most important thing. It was like life’s dishing out more than one expect that I had to fulfill and well, just “get it over and done with”.

I’m now trying to look for a new place for mum and selling her current place. This buying and selling of house doesn’t look as though it is ending for me yet. You see, I’m a careful person of all sorts, too careful at times maybe, when it comes to making decisions like these, I take an awful long time to wait upon God. I’ll be asking God probably a million times, “so how now”, “Yes, no, dunno?”, “speak to me Lord, what’s your way?” Since I know that God is not late, is never in a hurry and never lets us down, I figured I can’t be sitting there waiting for an answer to fall from heaven. What I did, while waiting in prayer, I went on to embark on different projects in life. I enjoyed it immensely, but one thing I forgot, in my “enjoyment of activities of all sorts”, I forgot to pause. What David said was like a breath of fresh air. I halt mid sentence, looked at him and allowed myself to soak in all the excitement and awe. Inside, I turned upwards to look at God and said ....“Wow!”. I realized though I had mumbled “thank God” at every turn of decision whether it is ours or HDB’s, maybe, just maybe those words were too simple a matter of convenience. Did I really mean it deep inside?

God did amazing things. Being first time home owners, we were basically in the dark about almost everything. God inspired us to move last year. He led us to exactly the right timing for a walk-in selection program in our neighbourhood – exactly where we wanted it and at a price that can only be described as “unbelievable”. We found ourselves in a flat needing fairly major renovations, and a knocked-down wall between 2 bedrooms. Sitting through dilemma wasn’t the best way to handle this. We prayed and asked God. Our hearts were like see-saw. Finally, we made a decision and signed the dotted line. To our surprise, we found that we were not eligible for HDB loans. Going on bank loans meant higher interest rates and we hated debts. Believing God for his utmost providence, we prayed and appealed to HDB. Once, twice, three times. Over Christmas 2005 and New Year 2006, a phone call came and this time it was good news. God gave us a four bedroom flat at $134,000 which will be fully paid for within two years on HDB loans! Is God in all these or what?

After the game, celebrate the win. Glory is be to God's forever.

Welcome Home!

My younger brother is coming home today. I am so happy. It is like a new beginning.
I cleaned his room 2 weeks ago, and washed his bedsheets, and wipe his bedroom walls yesterday. I wanted to throw away the mirror that cut him few years ago because I don't want the same thing to happen to him. I cared for him and love my brother alot, just that as we grow older, it seems difficult somewhat to express my love. It seemed that aside from spending time together, the other thing I tend to over-do is to buy lots of stuff for him, not that I am making up for the "Absent-sister" sydrome, which was never an issue ever since we were under the same roof. I often thought of what he needed and what he might lack, but then again, I am frequently wrong.

I tried getting a shirt 2 years ago, which he claimed that he liked but then wore it only once. I got him many winter clothes but they were either the wrong colour or wrong style. I got him a wallet last year when I saw that his was tattered and torn only to realise that that was the "in" look! So the wallet I got was again useless. He then mentioned that I should not get him what he already has. This year I got him a pair of jeans, and although he already has one, I thought maybe 1 is not enough especially for guys. Our in-laws also got him a Mp3 player by ScanDisk a popular storage maker in the U.S and a mug bearing his name.

I think of homecoming in the train this morning. I thought of something along the line of what God said, "eagerly yearn and groan for our home which is in heaven". I tried to imagine how I should be feeling. God must be talking about the intense feeling of anticipation, a churn in the stomach almost, but more than that, it is the deep longing to go back where I belong. How many people approach life on the exit this way, since I think it is only through our expiry date on earth that we can go home in heaven? Before we got it all wrong, God is not asking us to seek to end it all, but illuminating The way we are purposed to live. It is when we know where we are going, then we know how we can get there. While we are here, God bestowed many gifts. His gift of holy spirit guides us, leads us and interceeds in groans for us when we don't know how. I cannot imagine life without the holy spirit. In times of my struggle and helplessness, the all-knowing holy spirit sticks his head out for me, provides for me and perfomers miracles for me. God also gives me peace, he keeps my footsteps sure. It is also sweet to know that my rested sleep is a way of how God shows me he loves me.

I'm not sure if the gifts I got will sit well with my brother this time , but I am thinking perhaps what he needs is something I cannot buy. I prayed for him the gift of Holy Spirit and the gift of peace, strength, faith, wisdom and his BIG BIG love so that his spirit will be nourished and fed. Maybe his spirit is yearning for premium gifts, the type that is priceless but only God can give. I hope that his homecoming will be pleasant. I hope he will feel belong. I also hope that he knows the gifts that God gives are readily available. I am heading to the airport this evening with great joy in my heart. I can imagine how God feel if he was heading that way too.

A second lease

I haven’t read anything that tug at my heart strings for a long time. I mean those that I couldnt even let go at meal times were the literature books and suspense novels painted wild with imaginations in my entire 5-13 years of age. I started reading factually, out of necessity. Miraculously, I still wrote.

At 10yrs old my aunt saw an essay I wrote for a school assignment and told my mum how wonderfully I have written. I didn't think of my aunt very much then, afterall she peeked at my unfinished essay without permission. Out of interest I went for English tuition, my tutor always read my essays out loud in class. I started writing creatively and enjoyed the entire process of dreaming up new characters to fit into imaginative plots. At 16, these essays became the saving grace for my life. In an unexpected turn of events, my academic results tumbled. Somehow the ability to produce something out of a seemingly nothingness of my life was God's way of stretching his hands and whispering to me "Come, try again". I never gave up on life. I also tried my exams a second time. My parents took me to another school. My lady principle, though I cannot remember anything significant about her looks, did something. She gave me a second lease of life. Once I felt like a stray puppy on the street, then I was given an instant make-over. In that year, I won a nation wide essay competition, tying a merit prize together with the brainiest girl in class. Look what grace did to me.

We failed in life. Once, twice and so times more as a child, as a friend, as a wife, as an employee. I always thought artists were irrational, mostly drug addicts, social misfits, unfathomable genius who could not get along with anyone. Mozart, Vincent Van Ghoh & so many tell a past that I wouldn’t want to be part of. Yet I realised how many times I had allowed what I see dictate where I go. I have left my first love - writing for a long long time. Now I am coming back. I am asking for a second lease of life. One of my favourite author, Shannon Woodward said this “Real writing changed lives, made people think and offered hope.” I felt a tug at my heart and I saw what was on God’s mind. He would have added “It’s never too late”. May his grace be ever so sufficient.

we are like a moon

I learnt something powerful yesterday... "Like a moon, all human beings have a dark side, if we ignore it, it will overcome us. However if we own up to it and let God in, he will overcome it."

David's niece and I - trying to have a quiet corner to ourselves. I don't think anyone would believe us.  

Last nite in Jakarta, 5 Jan 05 - celebrated with David's sister's family & kid. Who can resist this mouth-watering, earth-shattering ice-cream? Yummy! 

Day 4 - On our way home. We saw a strange thing in the sky! 

Back to Jakarta - in David's house. I was particularly drawn to the window grilles. I thot they looked beautiful? can't quite put my finger on the influence of this design though. 

Day 3 - Dinner. Can you guess how much this plate cost? You'd never have guessed! only S$7. Succulent beef. ooooh, what can I say?  

Day 3 - West Java. Looks like heaven isn't it? Actually we were at the crater of an dormant volcana. There was a breeze and the thick fog came straight at us. And if you think we look cool, we were actually freezing cold. But for the sake of picture perfect, no jackets! We are crazeeee!!!! 

and of course we can't resist taking a pic together! Seems like when we get older, we tend to like quieter places or rather a place where nothing seems to move very much!  

we arrived at this absolutely tranquil place. It was so beautiful & the air was so cool. I wish i could fall asleep right in the middle of the very Lush greeneries... hmmm... 

looking for something? 

on holiday in Jakarta 27 Dec 05 - trying to find strawberries is always a delight! 

resolution 10yrs ago!

Can't believe how time flies! I drew this 10yrs ago... I was only sweet 21. I remembered pondering about life really seriously. Many things in life were so temporal, it didn't give me fulfillment. It was like chasing after the wind. Then I gave my life back to Jesus. I remembered I used to wear boots and short skirts to church but then I found it hard to kneel when God touched my heart! Then the first thing that went was my wardrobe of crazy clothes. I remembered during then, that when God touched my heart with his acceptance and unconditional love, I literally bawled my eyes out in the public, yes in church full of people. His love was so beautiful and so comforting. I didn't care if I looked ok or not. His love was so overwhelming, it wasnt necessary for me to put up any front at all. I felt so liberated. Like the deep gut feeling of being set free.

10 yrs on... entering into 2006 my passion for him increased, he has brought me through valley-lows and mountain-top highs. I am indeed exceedingly bless to have a friend in Jesus. This page is dedicated to my beloved saviour, because of him, my life has never been the same. His truth has set me free indeed. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, the life!" My new resolution in 2006? Love his word, speak his word, love his people, love him, love him, love him. I love you Jesus!

Caught in last minute gift giving?

thot this delightful gift my colleague gave aptly brought out the following:ago!

Caught in last minute gift giving?
Good for you if you receive when you least expect.
Christmas is a time rightly laden with surprises;
The Lord Jesus came as a babe;
surprise surprise, a babe saves our lives!

Yet, in the merry making of sorts;
Even with shopping and commercialization of all thoughts;
It is a wonder Gift giving never ceased even in this pagan world in the everyday life we fought.

If you are caught in a last minute giving;
Fret not, don’t grab a gift in the need to give;
Stop & Spare a thought;
for the receiver at the other end must really be your special VIP, worthy of your thought!

For the word says that a gift is meant to be,
to usher in the presence of our Lord,
his love we know it is meant for all.

so take time to say a prayer ,
and ask Jesus to show you what gift it is to be;
For a gift given out of a heart is better,
Than a gift that needs to be

Why since Jesus is the gift that keeps giving;
We know we haven’t given til we’ve given him;

A true gift lies but in the heart and not out of our hands;
So now we know, that we can all give, if we are ever caught,
In a last minute giving of any sort!!!

God loved the world, he sent Jesus!

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he sent his only son, so that whoever believed in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

What is Christmas without the birth of Jesus? Why do people give gifts during Christmas?
Who on earth is Jesus? Why is the entire world celebrating his birthday? Who is God?
Why did he sent Jesus? Can I experience his true love? Would I experience his true love?

Christmas - if we didn't drink ourselves silly, shop till we drop, or party till the sun goes down, perhaps... the space that we all craved in a time-starved city of non-stop activities and trivial pursuits, will allow us to ponder... question and evaluate the value of life more...

May you experience a truly meaningful Christmas...